New Party Courts American-Olim Vote With Decent Pizza, Bagels, Cookies

The For Olim – Overdue Decency (FOOD) Party promises to impose standards.

Ra’anana, June 9 – A group of immigrants from the US faces an unprecedented choice in upcoming Israeli elections this fall: their ballot can go toward the promotion of affordable, accessible staple foods that any right-thinking person would want but that Israeli society and culture have failed to provide in the Jewish State’s eight decades.

The For Olim – Overdue Decency (FOOD) Party promises to impose standards on Israeli manufacturers, restaurants, and catering establishments that will guarantee people can get a decent slice of pizza or a decent bagel around here, according to party founder and chairwoman Nasha Rye.

“Decent pizza exists in Israel,” she acknowledged in an interview. “It’s just that it’s far from the mainstream. You need to spend more to find places that use actual mozzarella instead of the gouda-wannabe ‘yellow cheese’ – yes, that’s the actual term for it. This country needs an overhaul of its culinary standards so that people understand what a real bagel, a New York bagel, feels like in the mouth – not to mention the stinginess with which Israeli ‘bagel’ shops apply cream cheese. And don’t get me started on how some shops don’t even make salt bagels, while those that deign to do so use transparent coarse salt that dissolves in hours, not the authentic, robust white coarse salt that makes a salt bagel a salt bagel.”

Rye explained that while Israeli commercial bakeries produce acceptable, often excellent, pastries, the standards of even basic cookies falls woefully short of anyone raised to expect proper texture and chocolate chip quality. “There’s a reason the standard chocolate chips you can buy are labeled ‘chocolate flavor’ and not ‘chocolate,'” she fumed.

Polls of Olim from the US and Canada suggest serious potential for FOOD. One survey found that, with the same old options as always vying for votes – the “pro-Bibi” and “anti-Bibi” factions, neither of which can muster a convincing majority, at least 40 percent of the cohort of North American immigrants will “strongly consider” choosing FOOD over Likud, Religious Zionism, Yesh Atid, or any other mainstream faction long on rhetoric and short on timely action.

“Might as well vote for the things you have a chance of affecting,” remarked analyst Duncan Hines. “Most of the American-origin Olim I know either resigned themselves to the slop available here, or to paying more for something halfway decent – or they made the effort to make their own good food at home. But maybe one day the knowledge of decent food will fill the land as water covers the sea bed.”

Please support our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL