Hezekiah’s Tunnelers Keep Bumping Into Hamas

“They are throwing off the schedule and endanger the project itself.”

Jerusalem, August 3 – Workers laboring under King Hezekiah of Judah to divert Jerusalem’s water source from use by the advancing Assyrian army have repeatedly encountered Hamas forced laborers in the process of digging passages of their own, sources in the king’s palace said today.

In a report to the ministers and military officials overseeing the Siloam Tunnel project, supervisors of the dig spoke of running into Arabic-speaking children forced to lug buckets of earth and rock through the underground passageway. The project managers warned that continued disruption of the dig by the presence of those children threatens the completion of the water-rerouting channel in time to deprive the Assyrians of a natural water source before they reach the Judean capital and lay siege.

“We must find a way to eliminate these incursions into our dig, as they are throwing off the schedule and endanger the project itself,” said Hababa Mahteret, an overseer. “There is only so much we can do to clear the tunnels of these urchins, who have apparently been assigned to dig passages for Hamas. It’s barbaric, the way these kids are being treated by their bosses, but we can’t do anything for them because we have our own problems.”

Dig personnel cited in the report note the  intentional nature of sending only children through the tunnel. “We know whoever is sending these kids in there doesn’t care for their welfare – that much is clear from the fact that the tunnel is no place for children,” said a shift supervisor. “The walls and ceiling can collapse at any moment, and children have to work so much harder to clear the debris that digging creates. But it also appears that whoever is sending these kids down there is exploiting our natural compassion, because they know we’re unlikely to take the unpleasant measures necessary to stop them.”

A royal official, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted surprise that Hamas would take such a gamble with children’s lives in an area also known for child sacrifice and rituals of unspeakable cruelty toward children. “The Hinnom Valley is just over the hill that way,” said the official, gesturing to the southwest. “It’s full of the remains of children burnt as offerings – some of the rites that the king has worked mightily to stamp out. Aren’t the people of Hamas worried the children will encounter the wrong sort of people out here? Are they that callous?”