Labor Split On Question Of Renaming To ‘Whatever The EU Wants’ Party

“Taking this firm ideological stance – which is also a practical one –  will convey our gravitas as an alternative to the failures of the current government.”

Jerusalem, February 7 – Senior figures within Israel’s Labor Party found themselves in sharp disagreement about the future of the party this week after several suggested that Labor be renamed the Whatever the EU Wants Party, in keeping with Labor’s political and rhetorical trends over the last two decades.

A meeting of MKs at the Knesset yesterday in advance of the vote on the Regulation Bill nearly came to blows, as party Chairman and Opposition Leader Isaac Herzog had to stand between MKs Hilik Bar and Stav Shaffir to prevent further escalation. MK Merav Michaeli had to come to Herzog’s aid, report witnesses, as the chairman lacks the presence, physical or otherwise, to separate the opposing lawmakers.

Bar, Shelly Yachimovich, and Nahman Shai urged adoption of the Whatever the EU Wants name, arguing that the Israeli electorate would respond well to the honesty of the party’s messaging after years of distortion and propaganda from Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s Likud. “We’ve been unable to tap into the disillusion with Bibi, his corruption, and his prioritizing political survival over implementing any consistent policy,” argued Yachimovich. “Now is the time to make a sharp break with his politics-as-usual approach, and saying exactly what this party is about every time its name is mentioned will go a long way to accomplishing that.”

Shai seconded Yachimovich’s contention. “We’ve been trying to straddle the fence between right and left, and that bespeaks lack of confidence in our so-called convictions,” he explained. “Taking this firm ideological stance – which is also a practical one –  will convey our gravitas as an alternative to the failures of the current government.”

Shaffir, however, would have none of it. “You’re crazy,” she countered. You’re all crazy. France, yes, I could understand renaming us the ‘Whatever France Wants Party’. France at least has recognized a Palestinian state outright. But the EU includes some dangerous influential elements, such as a German MEP or two who don’t question Israel’s right to exist. We can’t just adopt this change wholesale.”

Erel Margalit and Itzik Shmuli backed up Shaffir in raised tones, and the room descended into a chaos of shouting and thrown objects. Herzog yelled in vain for order as Margalit shouted at him for lack of decisiveness, and reminded the few who could still hear him that the name change would eliminate friction with the EU over the latter’s funding of illegal Palestinian construction.

Outside the meeting, MK Tzippi Livni of HaTnua was heard muttering that she had thought of the idea first.

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