Rubio, Take Over For Bibi – He’s In Trouble, And What’s One More Portfolio To You?

by President Donald J. Trump

Washington, May 13 – Hey Marco,

Listen, kid, you’re doing an incredible job. Absolutely incredible. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. You’ve got Secretary of State, you’re basically running the whole Middle East file, handling Iran like a boss, keeping an eye on Venezuela, fixing stuff back home on the border when nobody else could — and that’s before lunch. Tremendous. The best. I always pick the best people.

So I’m calling you up with a little proposal, because I only go to the best people. Bibi’s in trouble. Big trouble. The courts, the coalition, the dire polling, the protesters yelling in the streets — it’s a mess over there. Likud needs a strong hand, someone who can close deals, stand tough, and make Israel great again. That’s you, Marco. Take it over. Run Likud. Be the leader. What’s one more portfolio to a guy like you? You’ve already got forty-seven hats on that head of yours. One more? Please. It’s nothing.

We can’t have those clowns in the Opposition gaining power. Ugly people, except maybe that one passably hot chick. But no brains, no brains in her at all, just wants to give everything to terrorists. Now the surveys are showing Bibi might not form the next government, because he and his allies won’t get a majority of Knesset seats. I thought it was fake news, too, but believe me, everyone’s saying it.

Think about it. You fly in, you win the primary — easy, because the Israelis, they respect strength, they respect winners — and boom, you’re in charge. Bibi can stick around as some kind of advisor, maybe handle the small stuff. Coalition management. Coffee runs. Whatever. He’s a good guy, but right now he needs help, and you’re the only one who can do it without even breaking a sweat.

You’ll love it there. Great people. Beautiful country. The food? Fantastic. And don’t worry about the schedule. Two, three hours max. You handle a press conference in Jerusalem, form a government, shake some hands, then hop back on the plane for your next meeting in Washington. I’ll have Air Force One waiting. No problem.

The fake news will scream, I guarantee it. They’ll say it’s crazy. But they always say that when something’s actually smart. This is smart, Marco. Very smart. You’re already basically running half the U.S. government anyway. What’s running Israel on top of it? A little extra work for a winner like you.

Call me when you land in Tel Aviv. We’ll make it happen. Big league.

Best,
Donald J. Trump

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