New York (AP) – The world was treated for a pulled jaw muscle today after yawning at the car bombing in a Beirut suburb yesterday. Doctors at New York’s Bellevue Hospital reported that that patient was admitted to the ER, ...
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Feed SubscriptionMedia Outlets Rush To Update Pending Sharon Obituaries
New York (AP) – A rapid deterioration of former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s condition has journalists scrambling to update their files in case the publication of an obituary becomes necessary in the coming hours or days. Sharon, 85, suffered ...
Read More »Austrians Running Out Of Ways To Fake Contrition Over Nazi Past
As the last remaining Nazi war criminals die off after living in the country unmolested for nearly seven decades, Austria will lose one of the few remaining vehicles though which to feign horror. Vienna – When the Vienna Philharmonic posthumously stripped ...
Read More »Obama Cancels Failed Program To Get All Israelis To Drown Selves In Sea
Washington, DC (AP) – President Obama has instructed the State Department to end its four-year-old attempt to convince Israelis to resolve the ongoing conflict with the Palestinians and other Arab nations by voluntarily drowning themselves in the Mediterranean Sea. The ...
Read More »US Academics Vote To Boycott Israel, Jupiter
Washington, DC (AP) The American Studies Association released the results of its membership vote Monday, in which the 5,000 educators adopted a resolution calling for an academic boycott of Israeli institutions and of the planet Jupiter. By a two-thirds margin, ...
Read More »France: Arafat Not Poisoned, Franco Still Dead, Earth Still Orbits Sun
Paris, France (Reuters) – A government-commissioned analysis of the late Palestinian Leader Yasser Arafat’s remains has concluded that he did not die of poisoning, as some Palestinians had charged, but by natural causes. Arafat died in 2004 and no autopsy ...
Read More »Israel Announces New Construction In Settlements; World Ends Again
Jerusalem, Israel (AP) – Israel announced final approval for the construction of 1,500 residential units in a neighborhood of Jerusalem that it captured in the 1967 war, causing the end of the world yet again. The occurrence marks the latest ...
Read More »NY Times: Give Destruction Of Israel A Chance
New York, October 2 (AP) – Following Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu’s fiery address to the UN General Assembly, the New York Times issued a sternly worded editorial chastising the premier for closing the door on the annihilation of Israel ...
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