Dolphin That Snagged Greta’s Thrown-Overboard iPhone Disturbed At Content

The pod shared a sense of relief at having caught only those two phones.

Somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean, June 16 – The cetacean lucky enough to catch the sinking device of a Swedish activist after the latter cast the device into the Mediterranean of Israel’s coast expressed its shock and horrid fascination at the content on the device, which, the beast asserted, raises question about the cognitive, moral, and aesthetic capacities of its erstwhile owner.

The common bottlenose dolphin who snagged Greta Thunberg’s iPhone from the waters of the Eastern Med this past Monday told reporters that the phone contains photos, videos, recordings, and text of a disturbing nature not so much because of its graphic or violent nature, but because of its near-criminal ignorance, twisted ethics, arrogance, and, chiefly, gullibility.

“A bunch of us in the pod got to the right place at the right time,” explained the dolphin, using a combination of clicks and whistles to communicate. “My friend over there got the device of one of the other activists, but vomited when he encountered the hateful, violent content. That phone is now at the bottom of the sea. No one wants it.”

The twelve activists motoring toward the coast with the ostensible goal of “bringing aid to Gaza” carried more food for themselves than actual supplies for the coastal territory facing Israeli blockade. A UN report found Israel’s enforcement of the blockade legal, but that has not stopped the activists, their supporters, and allies from calling it illegal. As has happened before, Israeli naval forces intercepted the publicity stunt before it reached any territorial waters, in keeping with blockade enforcement practices, and took the activists into custody. However, before Israeli personnel could board their vessel, the activists threw their phone overboard to prevent the discovery of any suspected direct links between the activists and Islamist terrorist entities.

The pod of nineteen dolphins agreed that they share a sense of relief at having caught only those two phones. “Who knows what horrors we dodged by missing the content on the other devices,” they acknowledged.

They did voice concern that species closer to, or at, the sea bed might encounter the content, and what consequences might ensue for the ecosystem as a result.

“It won’t be good for the environment,” stated the first dolphin. “Coral, urchins, sharks, algae, you name it – if they see, hear, or read what we think is on those devices, given the depraved precedent among so many ‘Palestine’ activists, only disaster can be the outcome.”

Please support – our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL