I Foresaw The Relief Of Deliverance In Relatable Terms: Peeing After Holding It In For Hours. God Had Other Ideas.

by Zaviel, prophet

Mei Raglayim, May 27 – I’m fine. I’m fine. Not everyone can have their prophecy recorded for all generations. Vanishingly few ever get that privilege. It’s just frustrating as all get out that when I had the opportunity to express the intensity and visceral experience of the resolution of history in the messianic era, and the sweet release from oppression for the nation of Israel, my expression of it, which I firmly believe would resonate in a profound, personal way with every person who heard or read it, that potent vision fell short of the lofty standards for an end-of-days prophecy.

I thought it was perfect, but the LORD seems to think evoking the emptying of one’s bladder after prolonged restraint is inappropriate.

Yeah, whatever, God. You never have to pee. How would You know?

I have nothing personal against Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and the others. I even like Haggai and Zachariah. This isn’t personal. I begrudge them not an ounce of their everlasting fame. I just think people can relate better to my metaphor than to some description of a pauper on a donkey.

A wolf lying down next to a lamb is sweet, sure, but does it convey the visceral relief you get when you let loose with a vigorous stream after being forced to hold it in for too long? No, it does not. I’m tired of pretending that generalizations like, “As in the days you left Egypt, I will work miracles for you” can hold a candle to “Behold, the people languish, as a wayfarer tormented by a bladder swollen with the waters of affliction, nigh to bursting after a journey long and merciless. Verily, the hour of deliverance draweth near, when the Almighty shall unstopper the floodgates of salvation! The oppressed shall know relief, as the torrent of liberty poureth forth, like unto the joyous stream that issueth when the body can restrain no more. Rejoice, for the Lord shall make straight the path, and ye shall stand unburdened, emptied of sorrow!”

And you should stop pretending, as well.

We know God doesn’t have a problem with fecal or flatulent language. Ezekiel himself could tell you that.

Breathe, Zaviel. Breathe.

OK. I need to reset, to focus again on why I trained to become a prophet in the first place: not accolades, not power – just a deep connection that Ezekiel calls “sweeter than honey.”

Not the analogy I, personally would make, Zeke, but urine Scripture and I’m not.

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