MS-13 Regrets Not Investing As Much As Islamists In Cultivating Ivy League Support

“It would help to have a Democratic administration in place.”

New York, May 12 – A Guatemalan gang member keeping a low profile to avoid law enforcement under President Trump’s more robust immigration enforcement lamented today his organization’s lack of groundwork to help buffer against crackdowns, dwelling with particular envy on the detailed, painstaking placement and bankrolling at elite academic institutions of a cadre of faculty and students that states such as Qatar have engineered to bolster cultural and political influence far in excess of the actual voter strength it represents.

José Alfredo Rivas, 30, an MS-13 gang member who entered the US illegally four years ago, confided to several comrades in effective hiding with him this morning that he believes MS-13 could and should have done more to cultivate specific sympathies among the professors and staff at nearby Columbia University in particular, but across the Ivy League in general, as well all at various other institutions of higher learning with an established progressive bias – as Islamists have done for decades, resulting in the dramatic outpouring of pro-Palestine, anti-Israel sentiment at those institutions in the wake of the October 7, 2023 massacres and atrocities by Palestinians against Israel.

“Look at the support they can mobilize,” he argued. “It’s not just the students and the student organizations. Or the humanities faculties. Or the teaching assistants. Or the administrators and ‘diversity officers.’ It’s the outside groups who came in and rallied and intimidated Jews and created no-go zones for campus law enforcement or for anyone who disagreed with them. And they got sympathetic press coverage we could never dream of getting – though I acknowledge that’s in part because our opponent isn’t the Jews or Israel, but still, hear me out.”

“My point is,” Rivas continued, “if some of our drug or protection money went to funding faculty chairs at Brown or Wellesley or Georgetown, we’d be in a different position. It wouldn’t just be Democrats yet again choosing the twenty side on an eighty-twenty issue; it wouldn’t be an eighty-twenty issue because the work had been done to make us look noble and oppressed, the way people view Hamas. The people clamoring for Jewish blood don’t care if one of their own actually kills a Jew at one of their protests – that actually happened, and did it undercut the demonstrations and the rioting? Of course not. Because Qatar and Iran and others put decades of money into making the support look robust, organic, and sincere.”

“It would help to have a Democratic administration in place,” he acknowledged. “Enough of us crossed the border to swing things in favor of the Democrats, and that’s definitely their only long-term shot, demographically, but it was too soon for it to work on such short notice. No, we have to take the long view and cultivate a whole pro-MS-13 culture on campus and in think thanks.”

“We should also talk to the Soros family,” he mused.

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