Pallywood Actors, Directors Still Not Convincing Enough For Major Film Studios

“I should have remembered the Jews control Hollywood.”

Rafah, May 26 – Video production specialists in the Gaza Strip whose work focuses on the staging of heartstring-tugging, rage-inducing clips of innocent Palestinians killed, injured, or otherwise harmed by alleged Israeli attacks have yet to produce material with enough verisimilitude for the entertainment industry to take them seriously as marketable creators, motion picture industry insiders disclosed today.

Actors, directors, producers, and effects specialists in the Gaza Strip noted with frustration Thursday that their ongoing efforts to create content to buttress Palestinian claims of genocide and war crimes by Israel, while resonant in the media and online spaces, have failed for far to impress Hollywood, where executives and casting experts see the Gaza propaganda material as amateurish, failing to convince the viewer that it represents anything real to which they can relate.

“I spend hours each day staging these scenes of carnage,” lamented crisis actor Saleh Aljafarawi. “I’ve played and filmed myself as a rendered homeless by bombing; as a surgeon treating people injured in Israeli bombing; as a corpse; as distributor of much-needed food and medicine to suffering children; as a child receiving distributed food and medicine; and a dozen other roles. I think my acting was top-notch. Certainly my sponsors in Hamas think my performances were good enough to keep paying me to make them. It’s a but of a slap in the face to have those creative efforts shot down as ‘amateurish’ by a bunch of West Coast suits.”

“I should have remembered the Jews control Hollywood,” he spat.

Editors, cameramen, makeup artists, and other contributors to the “Pallywood” phenomenon voiced similar disappointment. “I love Gaza, I would never leave Gaza,” insisted filmmaker Edwood Saïd. “I stay here to I can show the world our story, how beautiful this place was as an open-air concentration camp under blockade where we were all starving, before Israel came in and made it into an open-air concentration camp where we’re all starving. I would never leave. And Hollywood won’t let me, because apparently my art ‘isn’t convincing enough’ or ‘doesn’t meet the most rudimentary levels of realism.’ Total BS. This was going to be my ticket out of here. Did you know Hamas charges like five thousand dollars to let you out?”

Hollywood decision-makers defended their assessment of Pallywood as unpromising. “Maybe if it were animated,” suggested a Universal Studios vice president. “That’s approximately the intellectual level of the productions we’ve seen. In children’s programming no one much cares how unrealistic the depictions are and caricature is the name of the game.”

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