All 6 Israelis Not Ministers In New Gov’t Bummed, Insulted

 “I had my eye on the ministry of money laundering.”

Nahariya, April 27 – The half-dozen citizens whose names have not been included in the roster of ministers forming the new national unity government admitted today they feel left out, local sources report.

Right-leaning Likud and center-left-leaning Blue-and-White agreed last week to form a coalition in the wake of elections that gave neither of the major political camps a majority in the Knesset, leading to weeks of posturing, negotiations, and maneuvering that resulted in a government with a record number of ministers, one for every one of Israel’s nine million citizens except six. Those six people expressed their hurt and offense to reporters Monday.

“I would have made an excellent minister of Bohemian subculture,” lamented Guy Levy, 39, of Tel Aviv’s Florentin neighborhood. “Just look at this tattoo, and the bookshelf of highbrow titles I keep prominently displayed in my apartment. But do I get the post? No, that has to go to Sigal Maimon next door, who wouldn’t know a Van Dyke from a goatee if her life depended on it.”

“Just don’t tell her I said that – if she hears that, she might disqualify me for whatever subsidies she gets to distribute, and I’m already running low on some of my favorite microbrews,” he added.

Hamad Abusneineh, a 50-year-old father of eight who lives in an unrecognized Bedouin settlement in the Negev, alleged that discrimination played a part in his exclusion from the government. “This is blatant racism,” he charged. “As if we Bedouin haven’t suffered enough. Now I have to live with the shame of being the only one in my community not to land a cushy public-sector job. I may have no choice but to take it out on the women in my household by beating them, and telling helpful NGOs it’s all the Jews’ fault.”

Esther Va’aqnin, a distant family member of one Shas Party politician, boasts the distinction of being the only relative of a party bigwig not to land a ministry. “I had my eye on the ministry of money laundering,” she sighed. “I do admit there are others with better qualifications and more experience, but a girl can dream.”

At least one rejected citizen let the extent of his bitter resentment show. “The least they could do is make me an ambassador somewhere,” complained Kobi Ben-Gershom, 28, of Ashdod. “But noooo, all of a sudden there are budget restrictions at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I call BS. Bastards.”

Shahar Morag, 7 months, of Nahariya, expressed her dissatisfaction by gumming on a silicone bear toy.

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