Official regulations guarantee every citizen a burial plot, but that right extends only to the bare provision of a place of interment; it does not guarantee any specific location, type of grave, or placement next to other deceased relatives. Jerusalem, August 19 ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionSuffering Michiganders Hope Tlaib Takes Time Out Of Palestine Trip To Visit Them
Residents hope that Ms. Tlaib might deign to set aside some of her time to meet with them and see their trouble in person, since she harbors such concern for people of color and their struggle against systemic prejudice. Flint, ...
Read More »Palestinians In Israeli Prison Riot After Pizza Toppings Restricted
“It is bad enough that the Zionists restrict our God-given right to kill them – now they deprive us of essential items for living.” Ofer Prison, August 15 – Inmates serving time for terrorism and terrorism-related offenses barricaded themselves in ...
Read More »I Can’t Be Antisemitic Because My Conspiracy Theories Paint Jews As Super-Smart
by Veli Alley, conspiracy theorist I do wish the do-gooders would stop accusing me of hating Jews when every single thing I say about them indicates all the positive traits Jews possess, such as the immense intelligence they must have ...
Read More »Muslim Scholars Explain Only Infidel Animals Abused Before/During Slaughter
To challenge the truth of that explanation constitutes Islamophobia. Gaza City, August 13 – Islamic leaders sought today to allay concern over videos circulating on the internet that show mistreatment of cows, sheep, and goats prior to their killing or ...
Read More »Iran Threatens To Use Cheat Codes In Simulation Of Conflict With US Navy
“Our arsenal of such secret keystroke sequences includes unlimited firepower, impenetrable armor, and, while this might not have clear application at sea, the ability to walk through walls.” Dahran, Saudi Arabia, August 12 – Tensions between the Islamic Republic and ...
Read More »Political Rivals Agree Other Must Compromise
“Each us of knows the other must give in if we are to make any progress for the public good.” Jerusalem, August 8 – Parties hoping to gain positions in any anticipated coalition to emerge from next month’s parliamentary elections ...
Read More »Teen Almost At Summer Brain Atrophy Target
“The key is to pace yourself.” Jerusalem, August 8 – A local adolescent estimates he only has a day or two left before he reaches the goal he set in June for diminished mental capacity resulting from disuse of his ...
Read More »Corbyn Supporter Pretending To Be Jewish Almost As Convincing As William Shatner Singing ‘Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds’
He attends his “Jewish church” and quotes such famous Jewish figures as Jesus. London, August 7 – An anonymous Twitter user claiming to see eye-to-eye with the leader of the UK Labour Party on every issue, and who defends him ...
Read More »IDF To Solve Gaza Sewage Crisis By Turning Hamas Tunnels Into Cesspools
The spokesmen declined to specify whether the tunnels will be cleared of Hamas personnel beforehand. Gaza City, August 6 – A protracted ecological and health hazard may soon find resolution, Israeli military sources disclosed today, a resolution that involves redirecting ...
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