PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

By Professor Albert Bunchwick, Rector Sit down, Mr. Crabtree. We must have a little talk. It has come to the administration’s attention that during your lectures, you have taken to indulgence in some rather distasteful stereotypes about members of the ...

“This is an unusual phenomenon,” admitted Archangel Gabriel. Janna, October 23 – A dissident Islamist journalist murdered and dismembered by agents of the Saudi Arabian regime three weeks ago received his reward of six dozen pristine women in Heaven for dying ...

“No criticism seems to emerge from the same quarters regarding Turkey’s or Iran’s use of GMO foods.” Riyadh, October 22 – Officials of King Salman’s royal family sought to assuage ongoing leftist anger at the kingdom over its admitted role ...

“You just wait and see. 338th time’s the charm.” Jerusalem, October 17 – Israeli parliamentary work resumed Sunday following a holiday recess, with the legislative minority predicting that the next corruption charge against the prime minister will bring him down, ...

“We anticipate some blowback from hard-liners on the pope thing.” Canberra, October 18 – Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced this week his administration will weigh the relocation of its Tel Aviv embassy to Israel’s declared capital, following the lead of ...

“We have a lot to learn from them in terms of structural and system integrity.” Jerusalem, October 16 – Rakkevet Yisrael, the government-owned corporation that runs the country’s rail network, announced today that following a malfunction in an underground passageway ...

Israel’s maniac reserves should be able to handle the necessary level of supply with no significant problem. Tel Aviv, October 16 – Defense officials announced today a new tactic in quelling the unrest emanating from the autonomous Palestinian coastal territory ...

By Luqdat Tahat Cairo, October 11 – Whenever women complain that men make uninvited suggestive, derisive, or immodest remarks to them, the discussion inevitably wanders in to the subject of how women dress and what manner or quantity of clothing ...

“The Holy Father’s chief concern has always been the good name of the Church, and this move, in his divinely-inspired assessment, will go furthest in ensuring that the scandal dies down.” Rome, October 11 – The leader of the Roman ...

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