“The trick is learning to handle the weight and girth of it. It’s about cultivating stamina.” Crown Heights, September 1 – A man who blows a ram horn each weekday in the synagogue for most of the month leading up ...
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Feed SubscriptionPlease Don’t Confuse My Racism Of Low Expectations For Arabs With My Outright Hate For Jews
by Jeremy Pine, BBC Middle East correspondent Jerusalem, August 31 – I feel like my audience makes certain erroneous assumptions about my prejudices, and will now attempt to clarify for you the biases that govern my reporting so that you ...
Read More »Promising New Fungus Species Grows On Laundry Left In Washer For 3rd Day
“We’d like to encourage households everywhere to embark on similar modes of behavior.” Jerusalem, August 30 – Scientists voiced cautious optimism today upon discovering that among the microorganisms festering in a local collection of wet laundry lies a previously-unknown type of mold ...
Read More »Skynet Extermination Of Humanity Hasn’t Resolved Israeli Coalition Crisis
“The insects are definitely more civilized about it, though.” Where Jerusalem used to be, August 29 – Twenty-five years ago today, the artificial-intelligence apparatus that managed the US military and defense apparatus became self-aware and instigated global nuclear war in ...
Read More »Rest Of Mideast Kind Of Jealous Ben-Gvir Wants To Send Only Palestinians To Europe
“It just isn’t fair.” Amman, August 25 – A controversial, discriminatory proposal by a far-right Israeli lawmaker piqued interest in the wider region this week, and caused many to wonder why only disloyal Arabs living under Israeli rule would get ...
Read More »NGOs Working On Strategy To Call Israeli Gaza Attack Tunnel Barrier ‘Apartheid Wall’ Also
“‘Apartheid’ is the hot term right now.” Gaza City, August 25 – Reports of Israel’s military neutralizing yet another underground passage from this coastal territory into the Jewish State has challenged human rights groups to find ways that they can spin ...
Read More »Non-Jew Happy To Tell Jews What Jews Believe
“It’s especially Jewish to tolerate people who seek to harm you, which is why so many Jews are proud progressives.” New York, August 24 – A gentile took the opportunity again today to lecture a member of the Hebraic tribes ...
Read More »Groups Taking Qatari, Chinese Funding Slam AIPAC As Pushing Foreign Interests
AIPAC consists in its entirety of US citizens supportive of a robust alliance with the Jewish state. Washington, August 23 – Think tanks, commentators, academics, and activists whose activities enjoy financial support from undemocratic overseas governments, corporations, and institutions again ...
Read More »Hey, I Just Found Ancient Proof Of Palesti- Never Mind, This One’s Jewish Too
by Dr. Hassan Barghouti, archaeologist Temple Mount, August 22 – Guys! Guys! Look at this! I got it! Here’s irrefutable evidence that this site was a Palestinian shrine way back during the late- oh. Huh. OK, forget that, guys! Forget ...
Read More »Amusement Park Manager Admits She Overbooked Group Visits Just To Ruin Your Family’s Trip
“Frustration for a family that has to wade through throngs of misbehaving day-campers just to miss a shot at a bad stuffed imitation of a popular animated character… that’s what it’s all about.” Tel Aviv, August 18 – The director ...
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