by Dr. Hassan Barghouti, archaeologist Temple Mount, August 22 – Guys! Guys! Look at this! I got it! Here’s irrefutable evidence that this site was a Palestinian shrine way back during the late- oh. Huh. OK, forget that, guys! Forget ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionAmusement Park Manager Admits She Overbooked Group Visits Just To Ruin Your Family’s Trip
“Frustration for a family that has to wade through throngs of misbehaving day-campers just to miss a shot at a bad stuffed imitation of a popular animated character… that’s what it’s all about.” Tel Aviv, August 18 – The director ...
Read More »Lapid Worried He Bombed Gaza Too Long Before Election To Affect Vote
The silence of his left-wing partners and the sympathetic media challenges his efforts to link himself to the operation in the minds of potential voters. Jerusalem, August 18 – Israel’s caretaker prime minister voiced private concerns today that too much ...
Read More »Arab Gulf State Spokesman Already Yawning Before You Finish Question About Gaza
The incident marks the quickest inducement of a yawn on the subject of Palestine since the Abraham Accords. Riyadh, August 17 – A diplomatic official from one of several Persian Gulf countries to establish formal ties with Israel began to express ...
Read More »Occupation Forces Palestinian Official To Divert Precious Water To His 4 Pools
“It’s a longtime problem,” agreed Abbig Hattub, assistant manager of a Jericho-area water park that has never cut back on its water use. Jericho, August 16 – A high-ranking functionary of Mahmoud Abbas’s government blamed Israel for exacerbating the shortage of ...
Read More »Group Thinks Nation That Survived Genocides With Epic Sense Of Mission, History, Deterred By Stabbings, Rockets
“Their straw man of Jewish assumptions and motives, derived from centuries of antisemitic indoctrination and their own fantasies of power, leads them to think Jews will cower and flee when violence confronts them.” Jabaliya Refugee Camp, August 15 – Members ...
Read More »Activist Torn Between Helping Native Americans, Claiming Palestinians There First
“Does the importance of their suffering and their status as victims of injustice exist only while it can serve as leverage for the true cause, Palestine?” Chattanooga, August 11 – A man who campaigns for the recognition of indigenous status ...
Read More »Having Someone To Blame Is Easier Than Actually Building Something
by Every Single Palestinian Leader Ever Ramallah, August 11 – For more than a century, we Palestinians have fought the usurpation of our land. We have done nothing but fight that usurpation. And it shows. Robust national institutions? Nope. A functioning ...
Read More »After Army Service, Trailblazing Israeli Spends 3 Months Not Backpacking To Far East
“You can’t just not go backpacking around the world after you leave the army. I think there’s even a law. Is there a law? There must be a law.” Kibbutz S’de Eliyahu, August 10 – A twenty-one-year-old resident has defied ...
Read More »Unity A Core Value As Long As Everyone Unifies Behind *You*
If unity requires you to set your agenda aside, then to hell with unity. Jerusalem, August 9 – Israel’s fractured politics calls for a party and candidate who can bridge the rifts that have condemned numerous consecutive governments to short-lived, ...
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