“It’s just the idea to both save our budget and turn this town around!” Jerusalem, October 21 – Fiscal constraints ahead of a vote on the main spending bill in Israel’s parliament have led several prominent ministers to propose an ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionSatan Extra-Pleased With Fundamentalists Who Believe They’re Doing Good
He counts it as one of his supreme achievements. Brooklyn, October 20 – Infernal sources disclosed today that the Prince of Darkness has admitted to feeling more chuffed than he had expected at the launch of his Evil Initiative thousands ...
Read More »Iran Forfeits Quidditch World Cup Rather Than Face Israel
Outside a core of staunch regime loyalists and among Iran’s Shiite supporters in the Middle East, fan and official reactions have uniformly criticized Iran’s decision. Dubai, October 19 – Enthusiasts of the wizarding world’s most popular sport burst into a ...
Read More »J Street Finds No Difference In Social Media Engagement During Internet Outage
The incident recalls an episode in 2016 when a J Street post on Facebook broke the two-digit mark on Likes, prompting Director Jeremy Ben-Ami to create a special award for the dozen staffers of the organization who had used their ...
Read More »Rejecting My Jewish Heritage In The Face Of Antisemitism Will Work *This* Time
by Simone Sheodlo-Higanu New York, October 14 – An aphorism attributed (wrongly) to Albert Einstein characterizes insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. With all due respect to the professor, I believe my ...
Read More »BREAKING: User Appears In LinkedIn Search
Anecdotal evidence suggests previous cases have occurred. Jerusalem, October 14 – A social network aimed at facilitating and tightening connections among career-minded professionals sent one of its members an e-mail alert today, informing her that someone, somewhere, had queried the ...
Read More »After Iron Dome, Squad Also Votes Against Bulletproof Vests For Police
“We need more dead cops, just as we need more dead Jews, if we are to make the world a better place.” Washington, October 13 – Just weeks after constituting the tiny congressional minority that opposed funding for Israel’s civilian ...
Read More »Career Bureaucrat Defers To Career Politician On How To Raise Your Kids
“There are some things beyond even my purview,” conceded the fifteen-year government employee. Jerusalem, October 12 – A mid-level functionary in the government office that oversees education in the country acknowledged today her limited capacity and training vis-à-vis the schooling ...
Read More »Gabbai Trying To Convince Sixth Man He Actually Tenth
“It’ll only take five minutes,” Rosenberg added, bringing the number of falsehoods up to two. Jerusalem, October 11 – A synagogue functionary has mustered all of his powers of persuasion to convey to a passerby the foregone conclusion that a ...
Read More »New Service ‘Uber Alles Eats’ Takes Palestinian Territories By Storm
It resonates with Palestinians in ways that other, similar operations have failed to do. Hebron, October 10 – An entrepreneur with a keen sense of local cultural and political sensibilities launched a new operation last month that delivers restaurant and ...
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