PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

A part of the service that seldom, if ever, features anything but quiet recitation and on a regular afternoon takes perhaps thirty seconds, not the four minutes this rendition required. Jerusalem, December 14 – A rift has developed in the ...

“Heretic!” yelled two of the diversity officers. “Fascist!” yelled another. Wilmington, December 5 – A clash of values among the the committee elected to oversee a progressive Jewish house of worship has challenged longstanding friendships and assumptions of shared priorities ...

“Without going through the real, painful, and necessary T’shuvah process, I’m afraid a presidential pardon, no matter how official, doesn’t expiate the sinner.” Washington, November 24 – Leading spiritual figures in the Jewish world cautioned today that the annual White ...

Jews are responsible collectively for Israeli policies and that Jews have nothing to do with Israel. New York, November 15 – A pro-Palestinian activist who insists that Zionists have created a false link between their movement and the religion that ...

The Being that created the universe with the spoken word made heard what other divine beings heard as a chuckle. Heaven, November 3 – The creator ex nihilo of all existence, with complete control and absolute knowledge of every last ...

Some arrivals believe they have come as visitors but end up detained. Hades, October 26 – Denizens of the Underworld where the wicked suffer eternal torment and others achieve cleansing of their iniquities have voiced with increasing recent frequency the complaint ...

The belated discovery prompted a flurry of googling and discussions among the seven attendees how to coopt Sukkot for anti-Israel propaganda purposes. New York, October 13 – A self-styled Jewish organization committed an error in planning its special Day of ...

“Parasites,” Corell was heard to mutter after rereading a New York Times article on the alleged academic underperformance of certain Hasidic schools. New York, September 29 – A business owner with a bias against employing Haredim also accuses Haredim of ...

The “extended warranty” message constituted yet another element of everything set to be undermined if he followed through. Mt. Moriah, September 20 – The prophesied progenitor of many nations voiced some vexation today upon completing what many consider his final ...

“A cohort of applicants believes they would come by this hard-earned knowledge as if by magic, without cracking open a textbook or engaging in direct study of the relevant materials.” Jerusalem, September 12 – The reconstituted judicial body that serves as ...