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Hamas Chief Trapped In Bunker Can’t Believe His Solitaire Deck Missing 2 Cards

“There’s only one entity diabolical and clever enough to pull off this sort of thing,” stated Asghar Bukhari, a London-based expert.

Gaza City, November 7 – The head of the Islamist militia that officially governs the Gaza Strip and sparked a war with Israel a month ago now finds himself surrounded and cut off, underground, from the rest of his organization, and even the package of playing cards he had brought with him for diversion and stress-reduction cannot serve its intended function because an ace and a jack disappeared somewhere, sources close to the leader disclosed this evening.

Yahya Sinwar, whose Hamas movement perpetrated a pogrom in southern Israel on October 7 that resulted in Israel using ground troops in unexpected ways to isolate and neutralize the extensive tunnel and bunker system that Hamas had spent years developing, noticed this afternoon that the deck was incomplete, thwarting his efforts to relax and think of ways to address his predicament.

“Dammit, I need to play some solitaire to get my mind flowing,” he grumbled, pacing back and forth in the bunker. “Where the hell are those cards? I can’t think without those cards.”

Sinwar’s isolation has fragmented Hamas’s logistical and command-and-control capabilities in the northern Gaza Strip, which Israel surrounded two weeks ago and began constricting. The IDF’s elimination of numerous local and higher-ranking Hamas commanders has also played a role. Sinwar’s contact with both his underlings in Gaza and his superiors in Qatar, from where the organization conducts its international dealings, has been intermittent for the last day, and nonexistent for the last six hours, now that IDF troops, jamming equipment, and aerial bombing have compromised all of his communications channels. Sinwar has long leveraged his own misfortune, and Palestinian suffering at large, for political or other advantage, but absent full aces to his go-to relaxation method, he may fail to do so this time.

Analysts do not believe the missing cards disappeared by accident. “There’s only one entity diabolical and clever enough to pull off this sort of thing,” stated Asghar Bukhari, a London-based expert on psychological warfare by clandestine agencies. “It doesn’t have to be a stolen shoe, though everyone knows that’s a staple of the technique. In this case, I would not put it past the Mossad to have engineered the insertion of an incomplete deck of cards in to Sinwar’s personal effects somehow. They were able to get to [Yahya Ayyash, an explosives expert called] The Engineer by getting a mole in Gaza to hand him a sabotaged mobile phone, so the methodology isn’t new.”

Aides to Mr. Sinwar assured that he cheats at the game anyway.

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