Palestinians To Build Nuclear Overreactor

The favored scenario involves waiting for some minor Israeli action to be used as a pretext, then announcing the demolition of an ancient Jewish shrine where the overreactor will be built.

Ramallah, September 25 – Officials of the Palestinian Authority have launched an investment campaign to construct a nuclear overreactor, sources within President Mahmoud Abbas’s government announced today.

Minister of Energy Hai Wattadj and head of the President’s Research Council Awfwi Thizzehd told reporters today during a press conference at the Muqat’a, Presidential Palace, that an effort is now underway to secure international funding for the construction of a device that would allow Palestinian overreactions to take place at a much more advanced level, and in a more sustainable way than at present.

Speaking to journalists after a meeting with Abbas, the officials highlighted the importance of Palestinian independence in the realm of overreaction to perceived crimes or slights, and the crucial nature of bringing those overreactions into line with ecological and economic sensibilities.

“Current Palestinian overreaction – to Israeli policies, activities, and existence – has often been haphazard and wasteful,” stated Wattadj. “It is one thing to deprive millions of our brethren in Gaza of electricity by refusing to pay for it, as a measure to pressure Hamas there. That, at least, involves a lack of expenditure, and a possible loss of life, but not a waste of anything valuable. It is something else entirely to actively encourage and fund violence against Jews, which involves the use of real resources such as money, explosives and ammunition, in response to Jews being Jews and doing Jewy things we like to call ‘Talmudic rituals’ to make them sound sinister. We could be a lot more efficient about it, and a nuclear overreactor will allow us to mount a coherent, consistent, and much, much bigger overreaction than we can now when we feel our honor has been insulted.”

“I would like to thank President Abbas for approving this project,” added Thizzehd. “With the right international backing, we can make our customary bombast, Days of Rage, terrorism, and other out-of-proportion responses to so-called offenses by Israel a less wasteful, polluting process, while at the same time making it more powerful.”

Planning authorities have yet to finalize the selection of a site for the facility, but sources within the Muqat’a indicated the list had been trimmed to three or four serious locations. The favored scenario involves waiting for some minor Israeli action to be used as a pretext, then announcing the demolition of an ancient Jewish shrine where the overreactor will be built. The major difficulty with that option, noted the officials, is that no Jewish sites remain to be destroyed in Palestinian-ruled areas since Jordan leveled or defaced every Jewish site under its control between 1948 and 1967.

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