It will horrify Hamas and its minions into capitulation.
Rehovot, April 21 – A neighborhood drive launched today to collect all the leftover unleavened bread from the recent Passover holiday and deliver it to the Hamas-governed territory currently holding dozens of Israelis hostage, and thereby to cause the captors to release the hostages, lay down arms, and relinquish control of the territory in favor of a peace-seeking alternative, organizers announced yesterday.
Residents of this Coastal Plain city banded together starting Sunday, the day after the seven-day festival in Israel, to contribute their boxes of uneaten matza. By 10 in the morning today, more than six tons of the bland, cracker-like bread had accumulated in a makeshift warehouse, forcing the organizers into a scramble to find more storage space; a local school volunteered its gym, and deliveries have continued throughout the day. The families behind the initiative believe that if a sufficient quantity of the, uh, foodstuff can be sent to the Gaza Strip, it will horrify Hamas and its minions into surrender.
“Primarily, this isn’t really about the hostages, though they remain on everyone’s mind,” explained Refael Mark, whose 15-year-old daughter Avishag first advanced the idea. “We just spent a week celebrating liberation from captivity, from enslavement. We really must do whatever we can to bring the hostages’ ordeal to an end. What Avishag realized was that our need to be rid of this repulsive stuff can be leveraged to pressure Hamas into giving up.”
“We don’t even need to deliver the whole quantity,” suggested Shai, a volunteer. “The initial dump of a ton or two will have a chilling effect not because it will affect so many in Gaza, but because the mere knowledge that several more tons of this gustatory atrocity is scheduled for delivery will generate a more pliant, cowed Palestinian leadership.”
Others noted that the matza-disposal scheme can be brought to bear beyond local security concerns. “Iran has been threatening to go nuclear for a long time,” observed another organizer, named Tal. “Delivery to Iran is obviously more complex than delivery to Gaza, but that’s a question of logistics. With the Trump administration on board, I don’t see why parachuting crates of matza into Tehran and various pro-regime strongholds won’t scare them into a more accommodating, docile stance, if not outright abdication.”
If plain matza proves insufficient to spark surrender, Avishag has also suggested her father’s matza balls, which all but one member of the family agree are dense enough to be weaponized.
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