We wanted to determine whether there is a limit to his- oh, goodness, did he really just say that to Trump? Oh my God.
Rehovot, May 18 – Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science expressed doubt today whether Opposition leader and Labor Party Chairman Isaac “Bougie” Herzog can descend even lower into the mire of dweebish awkwardness, or whether he has hit rock-bottom alrea- never mind, he just answered that question.
This morning, scientists at the venerable research and education institution announced that they have been tracking the Dweeb Quotient of MK Herzog for two years, starting with his resumption of Opposition leader duties following the 2015 elections. Since then, they noted, Herzog has broken new ground in what appears to be a long-term effort to pioneer unprecedented levels of pathetic social ineptitude and wimpiness in political leadership, to the point that the scientists began to wonder whether there exists a limit to his ability to- wait, there he goes again, tweeting in bad English at Donald Trump. We have to recalibrate.
Indications of off-the-charts dweebish patheticity during the 2015 campaign prompted a group of Weizmann scientists to apply for a grant to study the phenomenon, they recalled. “On election night itself, before even preliminary results were in, Bougie insisted on going to sleep,” recounted Professor Derp Gaywad of the No Life Sciences Department. “He must have intended for the statement to broadcast nonchalance and confidence, and coming from someone else it might have, but when he said it, it engendered a visceral reaction among the public that the guy can’t stay up past his bedtime. We wanted to determine whether there is a limit to his- oh, goodness, did he really just say that to Trump? Oh my God. Oh my God.”
Dr. Templerub Facepalm, who was not involved in the study, explained that whether or not it demonstrates a maximum level of patheticity for Herzog, the study results will be helpful in describing and quantifying similar phenomena beyond politics. “I’m curious about the impact of this study on the dating world, for example,” he elaborated. “Some people make you wonder just how low they can- holy mother of Mary, did he just delete the first tweet, try to fix it, repost the revision, and it still bled awkwardness from every word? Damn. Just damn.”
The scientists had called a press conference to discuss their findings, but had to cancel it in the middle so they could rush back to the lab to take new, even stronger readings. On the way out, Professor Gaywad was heard to mutter the concern that their instruments might not be able to measure dweebishness this intense.
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