Please Exclude My Mother-In-Law From The Mi Sheberach

By Pinchas Spergel

Jerusalem, April 14 – Whoa, whoa, hold up there, gabbai. Let me stop you before you make me reconsider the donation I was going to make to the synagogue for this honor. I hope you weren’t going to mention my wife’s mom in the whole spiel when you bless everyone in my family.

If you could just restrict the Mi Sheberirach to my wife and kids, and my eldest son’s wife, that would be great. No need to include Miriam bas Yerachmiel in the laundry list. Even though you could include her husband Shimon ben Mordechai. He’s fine.

I know, I know – you have a formula, you like the way it works, and it fits almost everyone who gets an Aliyah. But trust me here, Levy, you’re going to want to deviate from that trusty template of yours for this one. I was going to pledge a tidy sum to acknowledge this gesture. Now I’m not so sure. You want to be the cause of the shul losing out on some revenue?

I didn’t think so.

No explanation necess – don’t you start in now, Saperstein. You’ve no part of this. Your job as deputy gabbai is to be a glorified gofer. Besides, we all know you push for certain people you dislike never to be called to the Torah. Don’t deny it. Don’t think the congregation doesn’t notice it. You’re no avatar of virtue here.

Come on, Levy, just get on with it. You can accommodate me for real, not the way you pretend to accommodate other people who have stood here, deciding for them whom to include – the soldiers of the IDF! The soldiers of all forces allied with the ISF! Everyone in the same bowling league as the IDF! The Rabbi, his family, and all previous and future Rabbis! – which you rattle off, and then, as if the guy has a choice in the matter, seek permission. What idiot is going to ask you to retract, once you’ve called blessing on someone? It would look silly, and petty.

Instead, I’m asking in advance that you not make those assumptions. Specifically, don’t assume my mother-in-law deserves, or needs, to be included the Mi Shebeairach. It’s one thing to list her name in the Mi Shebeirach for the sick – I believe her current ailment she calls “stress-related” – that’s fine just to keep my wife from being miserable. No need to actively ask for good things for that… woman.

Thank you, Levy. Glad we had this talk. Carry on.

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