Visiting Vatican, Jesus Lingers By Nude Artwork

“God saw that it was good,” He declared with the hint of a smile on His lips.

Rome, September 10 – The Son of God called on Pope Francis this morning, and on his way through the portions of Vatican City containing priceless art, spent several long minutes admiring the nude figures depicted in the paintings and sculpture, witnesses reported.

The Prince of Peace conducted a routine visit to the leader of the Roman Catholic Church Sunday morning, following the pope’s participation in Mass. As part of an ongoing series of meetings aimed at keeping the Heavenly spheres updated as to ecclesiastical and temporal matters, the Vicar of Christ receives the Christ at least twice a year to coordinate Church matters with Heavenly policy. This morning, the visiting Savior wandered through the galleries around Saint Peter’s Basilica to take in some of the classic works from up close, and was seen to pay particular attention to depictions of naked people.

“Just… divine…” the Christ was heard to mutter as He approached an unclothed female figure with prominent breasts and an arched back. “This is pleasing to the LORD.”

“Niiiice,” pronounced the Son upon beholding a Renaissance painting of frolicking nudes. “Nice.”

As He ran His hand over the firm marble breasts of another statue, Jesus nodded approvingly. “God saw that it was good,” He declared with the hint of a smile on His lips.

One observer claimed to have heard the divine incarnation of God on Earth take a gander at a large portrait of a nude female with flowing hair and full lips and declare, “Dat ass,” but others contend that the LORD was positioned in such a way that at the time, he could have been gazing at a painting of Balaam riding a donkey, such that the meaning of the divine pronouncement remains inconclusive, as usual.

Christ has on occasion lingered in the statuary and painting exhibits near the Vatican before, but personnel at St. Peter’s cannot recall such a visit during the last several papal administrations. “The old-timers don’t remember it happening, but some stories have been passed down,” explained Father Gropius. “We have some old photos of such an occurrence during the administration of Pius XII and stories of similar happenings going back several more decades, but it’s been a long time.”

“It surprises me, actually,” continued Gropius. “I would have expected our Savior to pay more attention to the likenesses of naked young boys, but he seems barely to have noticed them. Perhaps next time.”

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