PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Noooooo, my mom has to be the weirdo. Jerusalem, April 20 – A local seventh-grader has concluded that once again, he must brace himself for the awkward, humiliating experience of his mother’s dietary sensibilities juxtaposed with the mainstream junk food ...

The dilemma facing Samuel carries extra valence in light of the political paralysis plaguing Israel. Ramah, April 19 – The seer most closely associated with the establishment of monarchy in Israel voiced his realization today that the current milieu might ...

A demonstration of how serious they are about enriching themselves on the backs of their constituents. Ramallah, April 27 – President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority and several other high-ranking officials in his kleptocracy took a page out of ...

“Who wants three-week-old meat when fresh chametz is all the rage?” Jerusalem, April 15 – Actuaries and gambling analysts released their predictions for the next week, including an item that gives a better-than-three-to-one likelihood that an aluminum pan of brisket ...

Anti-Zionists fear that they cannot entrust their continued existence to the whims of the majority of their ethnic minority. Berkeley, April 14 – A group of Jews whose ideology denies the centrality, necessity, and morality of Jewish sovereignty, and thus ...

by Richard Silverberg, Morgan Stanley investment consultant New York, April 13 – Hi, thanks for being so prompt. I know you two are trying to juggle a couple a of hectic schedules, so thank you for being prompt, and I ...

“He’s been acting weird lately,” admitted a staffer. “I mean, weirder than usual.” Tehran, April 12 – A series of suspected Israeli sabotage activities affecting Iran’s ability to project regional power and develop its nuclear weapons program have also engendered ...

Presumptuous of Jews to think they can be not under Islamic domination. Jerusalem, April 8 – The Islamic council that administers the plateau they call the Haram al-Sharif, or Noble Sanctuary, and which endorses the use of the holy site ...

Experts differ on the timetable for that eventuality. Caesarea, April 8 – Yet another electoral stalemate in Israel has the citizenry bracing for another contest as early as this coming summer, which will mark the fifth time in four years ...

“Please ignore the decade-plus of violent, brutal repression of internal dissent that’s been going on there, because, well, context or something.” Washington, April 1 – Foreign policy officials in the White House and State Department sought to reassure Americans and ...