“I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that something happens if it hasn’t been recorded and uploaded to the cloud.” Jerusalem, May 5 – A local tweenager whose family and community will mark his transition into Jewish ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionGaza Maker Of Israeli Flags For Burning Finds Lucrative Alternative Selling To Israelis For Yom HaAtzmaut
“I already have bids in for various ‘I love Israel’ tourist swag, and it looks like at least four or five big orders might be coming my way in the net month alone.” Gaza City, May 5 – The local ...
Read More »Scruffy-Looking Nerf-Herder Persuaded To Join Haganah
The Haganah operation he helped support seemed “more like suicide,” Solo had told one of his erstwhile comrades. Tel Aviv, May 4 – A rogue pilot with a checkered history of questionably-legal activities has decided to throw his lot in with the ...
Read More »Your Attack Killed Only Non-Jews, For Which The Lifetime Pension Is Lower
by Muhammad Shtinqr, Acting Secretary, Prisoner Pension Payment Commissioner Ramallah, May 3 To: Mr. Fasil Fattehd Ofer Prison We are in receipt of your letter of complaint dated 22 April in which you objected to the stipend you will receive ...
Read More »Omar, Tlaib Offer Tehran To Shelter Centrifuges In Their Basements
“Iran gets a secure location to pursue its peaceful weapons program, where foreign military operations will not reach it. The U.S. removes the materials and processes of concern from Iran. Win-win.” St. Paul, May 2 – Two prominent members of Congress ...
Read More »Activist Documenting All Apartheid In Israel Exhausts Research In 12 Minutes, Seeks Suggestions For Stuff To Do Rest Of Month
“Is this one of those things where we change the long-established definition of a term so we can paint Israel as violating it, like we did with ‘seller-colonialism,’ ‘ethnic cleansing,’ and ‘genocide’?” Tel Aviv, April 28 – The holder of ...
Read More »Israel Agrees To Provide Military Aid To Ukraine: Tractors To Tow Abandoned Russian Tanks
The equipment will also assist Ukraine in the identification and exposure of mass graves. Tel Aviv, April 28 – Months of pressure from Kiev and from other diplomatic and activist sources have persuaded the Ministry of Defense of the Jewish ...
Read More »Share Of Palestinians Who See Jews As Human Doubles, To .002%
A minority of analysts raised the possibility that wider Arab normalization with Israel has affected Palestinian attitudes. Ramallah, April 27 – A survey of public opinion in the Gaza Strip and West Bank shows a marked rise in the popularity of viewing ...
Read More »In Gaffe, God Forgets To Refer To Land Promised To Israelites As ‘West Bank’
“We wish to clarify that the eternal truth of the land’s rightful possessors remains Islamic-Palestinian, regardless of every other piece of the mountainous evidence demonstrating to any honest observer that He made it the eternal Jewish homeland.” Land of the ...
Read More »Practitioners Of Slavery Right Now Happy To Foment Anger At Jews For Alleged Slave Trade Prominence Centuries Ago
Part of a phenomenon in which Al Jazeera tries to paint the most tolerant, free, and secure society in history, as the most oppressive, racist, corrupt, culture the world has ever seen even as Qatar pursues policies that would make an eighteenth-century ...
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