PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Even a single byte is forbidden. Jerusalem, April 9 – Israel’s ranking religious officials issued a reminder to Jews today to make sure they remove all the cookies from their computers by Monday morning, before the Passover prohibition against possessing ...

Jerusalem, April 2 – Religious and political leaders are charging discrimination after a prominent authority on Jewish law ruled that Jews must prepare their Passover bread with the blood of only certain groups of non-Jews. Rabbi Pesach Blutbrodt, head of ...

Gaza Strip, March 30 – A rise in the number and frequency of “honor killings” in this coastal territory has political and religious leaders wondering how many more young women must be killed by their families before the desired level ...

Sheol, March 24 – The management of the Underworld announced this morning that a continued influx of suicide bombers from various countries in the Middle East has made it necessary to set aside a separate extension of the domain just ...

Geneva – The United nations Security Council issued a condemnation of the Jewish people today, following Mordechai’s refusal to prostrate himself before Haman, another of the King Ahashverosh’s ministers. The resolution called the refusal “a deplorable act of intolerance,” and ...

Susa, Persian Empire – Prime Minister Haman Ben Hamedata has been charged with a fine of 50 silver pieces for erecting an unauthorized structure on his property, sources inside the palace reported today. Eyewitnesses told PreOccupied Territory that upon returning ...

Eden, March 14 – The Lord Almighty has released plans announcing His intention to reduce the number of different holidays associated with intensive drinking, a move that will result this year in the Jewish festival of Purim and the Irish-Catholic ...

Shittim, Transjordan – Disaffection has set in among a group of Israelites in anticipation of entering the Land of Milk and Honey, as the group suffers from metabolic conditions that make their consumption of milk or honey either unpleasant or ...

Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran, March 1 – After two terms leading his country in a staunchly anti-Israel, and, many would say, anti-Semitic direction, former President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad discovered his own Jewish roots yesterday. Unpacking from the move ...

"I can't wait to tell my buddies in shul about this one," said the team leader.