“OMG he doesn’t even listen to music when he’s showering.”
Jerusalem, July 20 – Household sources reported with some disbelief today that the father of the family appears not to know that one turns off the water and begins to towel off not when one completes the cleaning of one’s body under the water stream, but when the roster of songs chosen to accompany the task of cleaning oneself reaches its conclusion.
Teen and young adult residents of the Porat home disclosed Thursday that Asher, the senior member of the family, has shown neither awareness nor understanding of the totally self-understood rule that one waits to turn off the shower until the last track in the shower playlist has ended – and not, as the senior Porat appears to assume, that one simply tuns off the water and initiates the post-shower routine immediately upon rinsing the last of the soap or shampoo off one’s body.
“Have you ever heard of anything so weird?” wondered Dana, 17. “Does Dad actually just step out of the shower when he’s finished cleaning, regardless of how much music is left? I can’t wrap my head around that.”
“OMG he doesn’t even listen to music when he’s showering,” reported a wide-eyed Roni, 14. “That’s what he just said when I asked him to explain. And he thinks we’re the ones doing the strange thing.”
The three members of the household between the ages of 11 and 20 – Dana, Roni, and 19-year-old Hadas – acknowledged the chasm between their assumptions on the subject and their fathers’. “Like, it uses more water to keep the stream on until the song ends? And that’s wasteful or something?” explained Hadas. “But the shower’s not over yet if there’s still another stanza left to Bohemian Rhapsody. It just isn’t. Everyone knows that.”
“We have a word for someone who can just turn off the water and get out of the shower if the last song isn’t over yet,” she stated. “Psychopath. It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that anyone who does that also pours the milk before the cereal.”
The controversy reminded Porat family members of an episode earlier this year during which Asher railed at his children for opening a new box of breakfast cereal when the one already in use still had some in it, albeit powdered crumbs. “There’s a perfectly good quarter-cup of cereal in this box,” he admonished the children. “You can’t just decide you want only big flakes, and break into the next box. It’s a terrible waste. I’m not made of money.”
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