Real Estate Agent Sees You Think Trump Will Move Embassy; Has Bridge To Sell You

“I’m telling you, this is the deal of a lifetime, and I’m offering it to you.”

Jerusalem, January 5 – A property agent who has noticed you believe President-elect Donald Trump will make good on his campaign promise to transfer the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem suddenly has a deal for you on a bridge in Brooklyn.

George C. Parker, a broker at a local real estate agency, thinks you make an ideal candidate as a buyer for the 130-year-old Brooklyn Bridge, which connects lower Manhattan with the bridge’s eponymous borough. He came to that conclusion after discovering that you are among the people who take at face value the incoming chief executive’s pronouncement that he will order the State Department to begin moving the diplomatic facility to Israel’s declared capital, in a departure from three successive presidential administrations.

A 1995 Congressional law mandates that the embassy be moved to Jerusalem, the only national capital in which the American Embassy is not located. Presidents Clinton, Bush (the younger), and Obama have each signed a waiver every six months postponing fulfillment of the law, citing national security considerations – despite campaign promises to allow the embassy move. Trump, however, has provided clearer indications than the previous three presidents that he will accept, even endorse, the move, including continued statements to that effect and the appointment of an ambassador to Israel who strongly believes the embassy must be moved to Jerusalem. Given Trump’s history of saying whatever he thinks his audience finds most convincing in order to generate attention or support, Parker has determined that the credulousness with which you accept the embassy promise makes you an ideal client for the purchase of the Brooklyn Bridge.

“I have the documents in my office,” assured Parker. “You can stop by at your convenience and we can have the deal finalized by next week.”

Parker encourages you to think of the profits you can turn once you are the legal holder of title to the bridge. “The Brooklyn Bridge is a no-toll bridge,” he stressed. “But once it belongs to you, you can set up toll booths at either end of it and start getting rich. Heck, you can even charge pedestrians – it’s a popular route for walkers and joggers. I’m telling you, this is the deal of a lifetime, and I’m offering it to you.”

The agent explained that the current owner wishes to part with the bridge for sentimental reasons. “They have unpleasant memories associated with the property, and are asking a mere $150,000,” he said. “What do you say? Hey, if you can’t commit, there’s always the guy down the street who believed Obama when he promised to constrain Iran.”

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