“Judging from the selfish, entitled way Israelis act on airplanes, on the roads, in restaurants, and while waiting for anything, we realized Israelis are positively the last group to respond to initiatives of this sort.” Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu, June 11 ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionPalestinian Refugees Insist They Like Wheat Grass Juice, Lebanese Apartheid
“Have you tried this? It’s amazing.” `Ein el-Hilweh Refugee Camp, June 10 – Residents of this and other UN-administered locales for the descendants of people who fled their homes after Israel declared statehood maintain that blended stalks of immature grain ...
Read More »Equality Advocates Puzzled Why No Non-Jews Have Applied For Rabbinate
“It’s frustrating, and maybe a little suspicious.” Tel Aviv, June 6 – Activists campaigning for representation of non-Jews in the official organs of governance in Israel voiced confusion today at statistics showing that despite efforts to open Rabbinic positions to ...
Read More »Hamas Executing Human Shields Who Failed To Keep Its Men From Getting Shot
Al-Zahar declined to specify the number of designated human shield/martyrs slated for execution as a result of the fiasco. Gaza City, June 5 – The militant Islamist organization behind much of the rioting over the last several months at the ...
Read More »We’ll Deter Hamas Rocket Attacks By Doing The Same Things That Didn’t Deter Recent Hamas Rocket Attacks
By the IDF Kibbutz Nir-Am, June 4 – Here in the communities along the border with the Gaza Strip, we soldiers receive constant reminders why we do what we do: the families who live here who need protecting; the local ...
Read More »Serpent Annoyed He Has To Tempt Eve With Something Stupid Like Fruit
“Ooh, fruit, big deal,” muttered Samael with a roll of his slit-eyes. Garden of Eden, June 4 – The creature tasked with testing humanity’s adherence to direct divine imperatives complained this morning that he has at his disposal only the produce ...
Read More »BDS, JVP Frustrated By Inability To Make NBA Finals About Palestine
“This is just a rematch of last year’s series, so it’s not as compelling a story to hijack. Not as much buzz.” Oakland, May 20 – Activists accustomed to co-opting every popular issue or cause for anti-Israel advocacy purposes have ...
Read More »Israel Soccer Association Worried May Never Be Corrupt Enough To Host World Cup
“It’s that nexus of sports and politics where the real greed, graft, extortion, and other dirt have to be well established for FIFA to even look your way, and unfortunately for us, we’re not at that level.” Ramat Gan, May ...
Read More »After Airstrikes Kill 0 Gazans, Hamas Slams Israel For Depriving Them Of Corpses To Display
“When will the world understand what we face in Palestine?” Khan Yunis, May 31 – Palestinian terrorist factions who had hoped to trigger a bloody Israeli response to more than 100 rockets and mortar shells launched from the Gaza Strip ...
Read More »Joint List MK Not Saying Killing Jews Legitimate, But Killing Jews Legitimate
Zoabi assured reporters that she should not be misunderstood as endorsing violence, while she merely sought to endorse violence. Jerusalem, May 30 – A prominent legislator from the mostly-Arab alliance of parties in the Knesset stopped short of calling mortar ...
Read More »