Beheading Trending in Gaza

Hamas declares war on any ideology differing slightly from Islam; beheading established as Palestinian national sport.

Gaza City, January 21 – The Islamist movement that runs the Gaza Strip has unveiled a new initiative to rid the territory of Christians, pacifists, liberals, feminists, homosexuals, atheists, and Justin Bieber fans, using the time-honored Muslim method, beheading.

Hamas spokesman Sami Abu Zukhri called a press conference this morning to unveil the project, which will be called Gazans United In Lessening Liberal Orientations Toward Islam’s Nefarious Enemies (GUILLOTINE). Under GUILLOTINE, Gaza schools will be allotted the necessary equipment and classroom instruction time for students to become proficient in the art of severing a human head with a blade, and community centers will hold training sessions for adults to acquire the basic skills.

Militants began to deliver saws specially designed to fulfill this purpose to the people of Gaza and are already teaching courses decapitation both schools and kindergartens. The University of Khan Younis has scheduled multiple master GUILLOTINE classes with experts from the Islamic State in an effort to make Gazans among the leading decapitation practitioners of the twenty-first century.

Mahmoud, a University of Gaza student with a major in Torture of Infidels and a minor in Marrying Minors, told PreOccupied Territory us about his experience: “I decided to enroll this semester in the Multivariable Beheading course with Professor Rais, since beheading is the future, and if I want to land a good job once I finish studying, decapitation expertise and Mandarin Chinese are equally essential skills.” He said that since he does not have a facility with languages, the choice was obvious.

The higher-level courses concentrate on the ritual aspects of beheading, stressing the proper methodology under Islamic law. While basic beheading can be performed by almost any believer, the execution of a proven kuffar such as a Westerner or Jew is preferably accomplished by a certified beheader who knows the intricacies of the procedure. An improperly performed beheading might render the result ritually invalid.

A pilot overseas program has already begun in Europe. The University of Gaza has agreements with parallel institutions in France that offer exchange programs and internships in the Paris region, where participants will have the opportunity to hone their skills with Parisians infidels, and gain access to equipment and training unavailable in Gaza, such as actual guillotines.

Within several months Gazans expect to rid themselves of the fewer than 1,400 Christians remaining in the coastal territory. Observers say they will have more difficulty finding Leftists, feminists, homosexuals, atheists and fans of Justin Bieber locally, but Hamas’s supporters around the world often fall into one or more of those categories.

(h/t antisionista.com)