by Kaja Kallas, High Representative of the European Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy
Brussels, June 11 – Silly me. My usual bloviation fell victim to carelessness, and instead of demanding the Israel suck it up and stop responding to attacks, I called on those attacking Israel to show restraint. How embarrassing.
It all happened so quickly. I was seated at my customary podium, preparing the standard EU statement on the latest round of Middle East unpleasantness. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, muscle memory primed for the sacred liturgy: “We call on all parties to exercise maximum restraint, particularly Israel, whose disproportionate responses threaten regional stability.” But then — horror of horrors — a rogue synapse fired. Out came the words: “Iran and Hezbollah must immediately de-escalate and cease their attacks on Israeli territory.”
I stared at the screen in mute terror. For one ghastly moment, the statement sounded almost… balanced. As if the side launching thousands of rockets, drones, and ballistic missiles might bear some responsibility for the violence. The sheer audacity of it left me lightheaded. What if someone read it and concluded that the Islamic Republic, with its chants of “Death to Israel” and its nuclear ambitions, was not simply a misunderstood victim of geography?
Thankfully, my staff sprang into action like the well-trained professionals they are. Within minutes the offending paragraph was deleted, replaced with the correct formulation: deep concern over Israeli strikes on Lebanese infrastructure, calls for an immediate ceasefire that somehow never seems to bind the other side, and a gentle reminder that occupation and “settler colonialism” remain the root causes of everything from October 7 to Iranian proxy wars. Crisis averted.
One must understand the delicate equilibrium of EU foreign policy. We have spent years perfecting the art of moral equivalence between a democratic nation defending its civilians and authoritarian regimes whose charters explicitly call for the elimination of that nation. Suggesting that Tehran or its Hezbollah franchise should “show restraint” risks unraveling decades of careful messaging. It implies agency on their part. It implies choice. Worst of all, it implies they are capable of rational calculation rather than being helpless prisoners of circumstance and legitimate grievances.
My momentary lapse has been thoroughly investigated internally. We have traced it to a temporary failure in the auto-correct function that normally changes “aggressor” to “resistance” and “unprovoked attack” to “cycle of violence.” Rest assured, protocols have been updated. Future statements will contain even stronger language urging the Jewish State to absorb casualties with Christian equanimity while we “engage constructively” with the Islamic Republic.
In these trying times, the European Union remains committed to the only approach that has consistently delivered results: performative even-handedness that places the greater burden on the side that keeps winning wars it never wanted to fight. Anything else would be irresponsible.
And if, God forbid, another accidental bout of clarity strikes me, I shall immediately retire to a quiet room and repeat the sacred mantra until the urge passes: “Israel must show restraint. Israel must show restraint.”
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