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Ben-Gvir Demands Development Of Gaza-Sized Bulldozer

“All we need is a ten-kilometer-wide armored bulldozer.”

Jerusalem, May 16 – The leader of a far-right party in the governing Israeli coalition insisted today that the defense establishment begin work at once on the production of a demolition vehicle powerful enough and wide enough to destroy all the buildings in the coastal territory from which Islamist terrorists have launched more than a thousand rockets into Israel in the last week – or he will bolt the coalition and bring down the fragile government.

Otzma Yehudit (“Jewish Power”) chief and Ministry of Public Security Itamar Ben-Gvir made the demand in the aftermath of Israel’s Operation Shield and Arrow to suppress Palestinian Islamic Jihad rocket fire from the Gaza Strip. The weeklong operation used airpower and precision munitions to target positions, arsenals, and personnel of Palestinian Islamic Jihad in the ten-kilometer-wide coastal territory, but failed to secure more than a weakening of the Iran-backed group and a temporary cessation of hostilities.

“All we need is a ten-kilometer-wide armored bulldozer,” insisted Ben-Gvir, the most extreme member of the governing coalition. “We invented the Iron Dome, drip irrigation, and instant messaging. I’m sure we can engineer something that’s basically gluing together the bulldozers we already have.”

“It’s not like we’re even using them,” he added. “Illegal Palestinian construction is rampant all over even the areas where we still have jurisdiction in Judea and Samaria – while the comparatively few illegal Jewish outposts and projects get destroyed with diligence. And the IDF has gone from demolishing terrorists’ houses to sealing up their apartments with concrete blocks – you don’t need bulldozers for that. I say we attach the vehicles, position them at the north end of the Gaza Strip, point them south-southwest, and just let them roll.”

“Of course the bulldozers can’t go in unescorted,” he acknowledged. “The threat from Islamic Jihad, not to mention the much-larger Hamas, still looms, and they’ll do whatever the can to stop the demolitions. That means further air operations, artillery barrages, and ground troops to secure the area first, or at least concurrent with the initial demolition operation.”

Military analysts questioned the minister’s grasp of the engineering and military requirements of the operation he demanded. “I understand he originally thought of a forty-kilometer-wide bulldozer to go the north-south length of the strip,” stated retired IDF General Amos Gilad. “He thought it would be simpler because the vehicles wouldn’t have as far to go – just ten kilometers to the Mediterranean. And it had the poetry of inverting the Arab promise to drive the Jews into the sea. But then someone explained to him we simply don’t have that many bulldozers, let alone drivers. So he modified the proposal.”

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