Bibi Souring On Minister Of Foreign Affairs Role – Has Not Had Even One Foreign Affair

“Foreign relations are supposed to be something he’s good at,” observed an aide who spoke on condition of anonymity. “But no relations have taken place between him and females abroad, as far as anyone can tell, in years.”

Jerusalem, March 23 – Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu has grown frustrated with holding onto the position of Minister of Foreign Affairs in addition to his role as premier, say aides, because it has not enabled him to have even a single foreign affair in the nearly two years he has held it.

Since reserving the post of Minister of Foreign Affairs for himself upon assuming office in 2015, Netanyahu has conducted exactly zero affairs with foreign women, according to his staff, a fact that has him more willing than ever to hand over the portfolio to someone else. However, political realities dictate that the position remain in his hands for the foreseeable future, as Labor leader Isaac Herzog is no longer negotiating a unity government.

“Foreign relations are supposed to be something he’s good at,” observed an aide who spoke on condition of anonymity. “But no relations have taken place between him and females abroad, as far as anyone can tell, in years. You can tell his frustration is building, especially since he knows he’s got sex appeal. Remember when [former porn queen] Jenna Jameson admitted she had a ‘massive crush’ on him? But he’s got nothing to show for it, in terms of the relations he wants to pursue.”

Dalliances outside marriage are not new to the prime minister, who admitted to two extramarital affairs during the course of his three marriages, including the current marriage. However, no credible reports of such affairs have surfaced in more than two decades, an apparent dry spell that acquaintances say  poses a formidable challenge to the leader’s perception of himself as desirable.

“Repeated electoral success can only take your ego so far,” acknowledged Ronald Trump, a political consultant who has known the prime minister since the mid-1980’s. “If that doesn’t translate into booty calls up the wazoo from both local and foreign – exotic, one might say – beauties, then of course what follows is a sense of emptiness and disappointment. All the compliments from porn sluts in the world don’t negate the fact that Bibi hasn’t had a single foreign affair in forever, despite being officially in charge of the whole country’s foreign affairs for almost two years now.” He contrasted Netanyahu’s current nookie drought with the premier’s achievements as Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs in the late eighties and early nineties, when he met the woman to whom he is still married, and only admitted to betraying once in all the time since.

“Why do you think he’s been gallivanting about the world the last year or so?” Concluded Trump.

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