A pilgrimage festival under current circumstances will prove an epidemiological nightmare. Jerusalem, March 12 – Ministering angels disclosed today that the Almighty has begun consultation with His advisory board regarding the possibility of delaying this year’s observance of the Feast of ...
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Feed SubscriptionOf COURSE We Will Allow Jews To Live In Palestine. Then We Will Kill Them.
by Saeb Erekat, Chief Palestinian Negotiator Ramallah, March 5 – We Palestinians have grown tired of the contention that we demand a state with no Jews in it. Not only does it distract from the core issue of our statelessness ...
Read More »Husband Who Suggested Early Start On Passover Cleaning Thinks Couch Actually Not Bad Place To Sleep
“I only woke up like four times, not including my usual 3 AM bathroom run.” Ramat Gan, February 27 – A resident who shared his numerous ideas with his wife about getting a jump on preparations for a Jewish festival ...
Read More »Waqf Warns Against Making Tower Of Babel Taller Than Mosque
“Alternatively, making the tower itself a mosque will solve the comparative height problem.” Babylon, Land of Shin’ar, February 20 – Islamic authorities cautioned today against the completion of a planned project to construct a tower that reaches the heavens, reminding ...
Read More »Candidate Hopes To Dispel Stereotype Of Rich Jews By Impoverishing Everyone
“There’s no way this goes sideways.” Montpelier, VT, February 13 – A lifelong politician and committed socialist vowed again today to combat the pernicious, widespread assumption that Jews enrich themselves at the expense of others, through the imposition of an ...
Read More »Ghost Of Rachel Corrie Condemned To Watching Helplessly Whenever IDF Destroys Hamas Weapons
“Ms. Corrie inhabits the eternity she created for herself.” Rafah, February 6 – The departed spirit of an American activist who sought to shield a terrorist armaments cache with her body but ended up crushed by a bulldozer must spend ...
Read More »Bibi Vows Not To Let Fateful Opportunity Get In Way Of Politics As Usual
“I will continue to work as hard as I can to make sure this episode causes no interruption in my use of power for personal gain.” Jerusalem, January 30 – Israel’s embattled prime minister promised his citizens today that he ...
Read More »If Not Now To Offer ‘Ultra-ULTRA-Orthodox’ Rabbinic Ordination
“We’re used to taking terms and redefining them to suit our purposes. Why not do that to the entire institution of rabbinics?” New York, January 23 – Two progressive, pro-Palestinian organizations that play up Jewish connections and names to bolster their ...
Read More »Climate Change Proving Difficult Cause For Palestinians To Hijack
The fight against climate change doesn’t register as a priority among enough people outside the Soros-funded matrix of NGOs. Melbourne, January 16 – Progressive activists seeking to link every cause to the struggle for Palestinian independence confessed today they have ...
Read More »Police Baffled At 0 Murders Amid Jerusalem Gentrification
Everyone discussing Monsey and Jersey City knows gentrification is the root problem. Jerusalem, January 13 – The historic neighborhood of Nachlaot in the center of this city has seen numerous demographic shifts in its decades-long transition from slum to hipster, ...
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