“I was definitely in it for the glory of jihad and freeing our lands of the infidel usurper,” one recalled as he hurled a rare copy of an illuminated Quran into the pyre, then watched as it curled, blackened, and ...
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Feed SubscriptionLoaves And Fishes Suppliers Threatened By Jesus’s New Wholesale Operation
“Am I supposed to grow figs or something? I can see him causing my trees to wither and die, just to eliminate competition.” Capernaum, Galilee, March 9 – Sellers of loaves and fishes voiced concern today about losing business to ...
Read More »Synagogue Bombs Just Attempt To Make Impressive ‘Haman’ Noise
“Of course there will be those who try to outdo what came before.” New York, March 5 – Police believe the recent spate of bomb threats against Jewish places of worship was a misunderstanding, a department spokesman announced today, with ...
Read More »Success Of Israel Prompts Suspicions That Allah A Zionist
“As an intellectual exercise, if nothing else, let us consider the implications of this idea.” Cairo, March 1 – Scholars at the Islamic University of Cairo have raised the possibility that Allah, the all-powerful deity who created and sustains the ...
Read More »Police Summoned To Break Up Fight In Mikveh: Nidda K’negged Nidda
A Mikveh attendant who gave her name as Riva Rivenu told reporters that confusion over who had made an appointment for a 7:45 immersion led to the fracas. Brooklyn, February 22 – Officers from the NYPD’s 66th precinct responded to a ...
Read More »Man’s Prayers Answered: ‘Shut Up Already’
Fed up, as it were, by the man’s attitude, the Lord appeared in a vision to Bonner and instructed him to cease all petition. Rockville Centre, NY, February 20 – The Lord God Almighty finally responded to repeated entreaties by ...
Read More »Rabbis Pronounce Ban On Talmud For Suggesting Moses Did Not Write Entire Torah
Some members of the Badatz are instructing their disciples and followers to disdain the earlier Jerusalem Talmud as well. Bnei Brak, February 15 – A group of spiritual authorities has barred the study of Talmud because the work states that ...
Read More »Activist Rabbi Sure He Saw ‘Liberal Values’ In Maimonides’ 13 Principles Somewhere
“I saw not a hint of a post-colonialist approach, and this was a man who lived in the Middle East for most of his adult life.” New York, February 8 – A leading figure in liberal Judaism is struggling to ...
Read More »Explorers Find Rare Bar Mitzva Boy Who Didn’t ‘Read So Beauuuuutifully’
“In examining evidence regarding approximately eighteen million Bar Mitzva celebrations documented since 1920, we have yet to encounter another case where ‘which ____ read so beauuuuutifully’ was not invoked.” Kfar Sava, February 6 – Anthropologists in search of heretofore unknown ...
Read More »Protests Against Heaven’s Muslim Ban Intensify
Spokesmen for Heaven defended the new restrictions as necessary to protect the citizens of the Realm. Eden, February 1 – Demonstrations continued today over the exclusion of Muslims from Paradise, in some cases turning violent. Crowds of excluded Muslims and ...
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