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Cleric: All Currency Belongs To Muslims Because It Must Have At Some Point

Included in the ruling are humans, many of whom are descended from slaves once owned by Muslims.

hundredsJedda, December 20 – A religious official in this major Saudi city issued a ruling today that all money in the world belongs to Muslims and may not be held by others, as chances are it passed through Muslim hands somewhere, following the model that all land once under Islamic rule may never be relinquished to non-Islamic powers, and must be reclaimed from them by violence if necessary.

Imam Ayyam Aswein of Jedda’s central mosque exhorted worshipers at this morning’s prayers to reclaim all currency from the hands of infidels, through whatever means possible. He based his ruling on an interpretation of the categories of Dar-al-Islam and Dar-al-Harm, which refer, respectively, to the domain of Islam and the domain of places beyond Islam’s reach as of yet; Islamic doctrine holds that lands once under Islamic rule must forever remain under Islamic rule. In his address, Imam Aswein applied the same premise to all property and currency.

“It stands to reason that all precious metals, currency, goods, and other items of value were once owned, however briefly, by Muslims,” he declared. “Even if only a portion of the materials that went into making something were once in the control of a Muslim, that item must revert to Muslim ownership. We must defend the honor of Islam by retaking all of these items especially money, from infidel hands!”

Included in the ruling are humans, many of whom are descended from slaves once owned by Muslims. “A large portion of the world’s population was born to those whose forebears were owned by Muslims,” he noted. “Since no one is allowed to remove such slaves from Islamic control, and since the offspring of slaves are themselves slaves, it stands to reason that any given non-Muslim is the property of a Muslim. We must restore Muslim control over those who belong under it.”

Other religious appeared loath to endorse Imam Aswein’s reasoning. “I am all for subjugation of the infidel – that is fully in line with Islamic sensibilities,” explained his colleague Aywil Qilya. “But one must take care in Islamic jurisprudence not to overstep the parameters of the concepts one invokes. Taken to its logical conclusion, there will be no one left to aspire to conquer. It is true, we can then do as we Muslims have always done and turn on one another with accusations of heresy, but there will be something lacking. It just wouldn’t be the same.”

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