COVID19: Hamas Sets Rioter Limit At 100

No one provoking the Jews into shooting at the protesters may put everyone at risk by increasing the danger of infection.

Near the Gaza-Israel border fence, March 16 – Leaders of the Islamist terrorist group that governs this coastal territory have begun to implement measures to limit the spread of a deadly pandemic, including a cap on the number of violent protesters that may participate at once in a given confrontation with Israeli soldiers guarding the frontier.

Hamas officials warned residents of the Gaza Strip today not to exceed one hundred rioters hurling firebombs, rocks, and other projectiles at armed IDF soldiers at a time, and gave notice that anyone found in violation of the limit will face fines or imprisonment for endangering the others present by increasing the risk of exposure to coronavirus.

“We cannot allow citizens to shirk their responsibility to the community by inviting undue harm,” stated Deputy Minister of Public Health Ighwa Waba. “We have therefore posted enforcers near every flashpoint of violence with the enemy to ensure that no one provoking the Jews into shooting at the protesters will put everyone at risk by increasing the danger of infection.”

Waba noted that Palestinian preventive strategies have so far kept coronavirus cases to a minimum throughout the areas they control. “Now that it’s a useful thing, we will take credit for isolating the Gaza Strip from the outside world,” he explained. “Whereas before this, the Zionist siege was the worst phenomenon in the world and rendered our land the world’s largest open-air prison, worse that Auschwitz, in that Auschwitz never had to deal with a naval blockade. Also, the Holocaust never happened – that’s all a pretext for Jewish dispossession of indigenous Arabs in a place that isn’t Arabia.”

The Ministry of Public health published guidelines this morning regarding proper conduct during a riot in light of the coronavirus threat. Among the instructions: maintain at least two meters’ distance while throwing Molotov cocktails or attempting to cut through the border fence; cover one’s mouth and nose when coughing or sneezing, and not only in the presence of tear gas; wash hands thoroughly with soap and water after jointly handling and releasing incendiary balloons at Israeli communities; make sure children put in the line of fire to serve as human shields do not congregate near anyone over the age of 60 – and if any of the human shields suffers an injury, also prevent bodily fluids from coming into contact with anyone over 60.

Other guidelines assured Gaza residents that in the event of any fatalities from the pandemic – no Palestinians have died of it to date in either of the self-rule areas in the West Bank or the Gaza Strip, in large part because of Israeli assistance and coordination – people can safely blame Israel.

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