Hamas Demands Do-Over, Claims They Get One Free Genocide Attempt

“You can’t hold us accountable for draft one. That’s like criticizing a chef for burning the first pancake.”

Gaza City, February 5 – Citing longstanding precedents in international law and common courtesy, Hamas political bureau officials have formally petitioned the United Nations, the International Court of Justice, and several sympathetic NGOs for a mulligan on the October 7, 2023 “Al Aqsa Flood” operation.

“Look, everyone gets one free pass,” explained senior Hamas spokesman Mustafa Massikr in a statement released via carrier pigeon and TikTok live. “You don’t judge a resistance movement on the first swing. That’s just basic fairness.”

The request comes amid ongoing debates over whether the initial assault—featuring the deliberate killing of civilians, systematic sexual violence, mutilation of bodies, and the taking of more than 250 hostages—met the legal threshold for genocide. Hamas maintains that the action was merely a “test balloon” to gauge enemy reactions and refine tactics for future efforts.

“Genocide is a process, not a one-off event,” continued Massikr. “We were warming up. Our charter calling for destruction of all Jews says what it says, sure, but intent develops over time. You can’t hold us accountable for draft one. That’s like criticizing a chef for burning the first pancake.”

Analysts familiar with the group’s internal deliberations note that the demand aligns with Hamas’s broader philosophy of asymmetrical accountability. While Israel’s military responses in Gaza have drawn repeated provisional measures from the ICJ and accusations of genocidal conduct from human rights organizations, the initiators of the conflict argue they should enjoy a grace period.

“Double standards are fine when they’re in our favor,” said one of the few remaining commanders in the group’s military wing. “But when it’s us getting called out after one little massacre? That’s colonialist erasure of our narrative. We need at least a best-of-three format.”

The appeal has garnered mixed reactions. Pro-Palestinian activists expressed cautious support, arguing that “decolonization is messy” and “no liberation movement starts perfect.” Several European parliamentarians suggested referring the matter to a special committee on “first-time offender leniency clauses” in armed conflict. “What did everyone expect? Vibes? Papers? Essays?” retorted one MEP.

Hamas was has also marshaled backup arguments, including claims that the October 7 events constituted “performance art critiquing settler-colonialism” and that any repeat attempts would be “clearly labeled as sequels, thus exempt from initial scrutiny.”

The UN has yet to rule on whether genocide attempts come with a complimentary retry, but sources say the body is leaning toward forming a working group to study the issue for the next decade.

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