Hamas Switches To Peaceful Bombs For Peaceful Killing Of Jews

“The moral victories are important,” a spokesman stressed.

Beit Hanoun, Gaza Strip, February 19 – Border units attacking Israel along the fence at the edge of this coastal territory have begun transitioning to the use of more peaceful deadly violence, activists with the Hamas movement report.

The daily disturbances along the border have long featured incendiary kites, helium balloons with bombs attached, IEDs, and other weapons targeting either Israelis or the fields and forest inside Israel. Beginning late last month, however, Hamas and allied groups managing the peaceful deadly riots introduced even more peaceful tactics to protest Israel’s ongoing efforts to prevent Israelis from falling prey to terrorism.

Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum told reporters that the conflict takes place as much in the public consciousness as it does on the ground. “The moral victories are important,” he stressed. “We must convince the world we occupy the moral high ground, and the violent means we have employed heretofore, while justified, have a deleterious effect on public perception internationally. It’s not easy for the world to see incendiary devices landing in the playgrounds of Israeli kindergartens and imagine those Zionist children are actually monsters who must pay for Palestinian suffering. We understand that may be difficult to accept. So we have to adapt our tactics to include more peaceful methods. Now we launch peaceful bombs and plant peaceful IEDs along IDF patrol routes, so if any of them result in death or disfigurement, that happens peacefully.”

Barhoum conceded the difficulty of gauging the success of the switch. “The world’s attention hasn’t been focused on these protests for months already,” he admitted. “We commanded that attention for a while during last spring and summer, but that waned. And we have nothing to show for it all, despite hundreds of Palestinian deaths. Our movement’s leadership conferred with the other factions in Gaza and decided to implement this switch, so that the lopsided nature of the conflict becomes even more apparent, and the world demands Israeli cease its aggression against our innocent people who are trying to kill them. Of course it would violate our tenets to abandon violence, so as a compromise all the factions agreed to reclassify their weapons and activities as peaceful or nonviolent, and the compliant Western media goes along with it.”

A masked activist showed reporters the peaceful firebombs, grenades, land mines, and other equipment his group now uses. “I actually prefer using the peaceful helium-inflated condoms to carry the firebombs I make,” he revealed. “I mean, what if it kills someone on this side of the fence? At least it’ll be a peaceful painful death.”

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