Knesset Plumbing System Unable To Handle Quantity Of Crap Spewing Forth

The Oslo Peace Process could only be sustained with a firehose of horses**t.

Jerusalem, November 5 – Sewage facilities in Israel’s parliamentary compound have proven inadequate to the task of carrying away the verbal diarrhea issuing from legislators, aides, and other political figures, maintenance staff disclosed today, necessitating repeated closures and repairs of the piping and fixtures.

A spokesman for the Knesset custodial staff told reporters that up to eighty percent of the 1960’s-construction plumbing infrastructure has undergone emergency repairs in the last ten months, with anywhere from one third to one half of the equipment and conduits out of service at any given time. The sewage-drainage crisis continues to occur, the spokesman explained, because the outdated systems were not designed to handle the amount or foulness of twenty-first-century political crap.

“The problem gets exacerbated by the fact that to change anything, the lawmakers in the Knesset have to agree to appropriate funds for it,” lamented Deputy Chief Custodian Boris Shofkhin. “As you can imagine, any effort to attain such an outcome only induces the production of tons more crap, and we can barely stay afloat as it is.”

Engineers began to notice the inadequacy of facilities for modern political crap in the early 1990s. “Right around the efforts to promote the Oslo Accords in 1993, we saw the first indication of these problems,” recalled May Biyov, who has provided consulting to the Knesset for several decades. “The intensity and volume of utter s*** surrounding the ‘peace process’ and the ‘land for peace’ formula, and all the rhetorical feces that went into undermining the legitimacy of anyone who opposed such a manifestly stupid undertaking, proved too much for the Knesset plumbing infrastructure, and it suffered repeated breakdowns and breakages for years.”

“Things hardly got better despite eventual disillusionment with the Oslo model,” she continued. “On the heels of that deadly exercise in naivety, which could only be sustained with a firehose of horses**t, the Gaza Disengagement began to develop. Knesset plumbing maintenance thought it had caught a break, gotten some relief, but that, too, was naivety. ‘We can always go back in if they make trouble,’ became the turd they tried to shove where it would never fit, ignoring the inevitability of the major powers never standing for anything but token action against terrorism. And the Knesset toilets once more couldn’t handle the deluge of crap.”

Her conversation with a reporter was interrupted by an urgent phone call from Knesset Facilities Management, and Ms. Biyov excused herself to run to her car.

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