Man Insists Smokin’ Hot Sister-In-Law Irrelevant To His Push To Reinstitute Levirate Marriage

“Please ignore her intelligence, humor, style, gracefulness, affection…”

Jerusalem, August 16 – A Biblical practice involving the surviving brother of a childless man marrying the deceased man’s widow – that ancient sages phased out because of people’s licentious approach – should be resumed, a local activist argued today, and his enthusiasm for the commandment from the book of Deuteronomy has nothing at all to do with the fact that his own brother’s wife is sizzlin hot, he emphasized.

Eran Shelani, 26, contended to a group of acquaintances that the time has come to lift the decree described in the Talmud, barring men from performing Yibbum, or levirate marriage, when a married man dies without issue. While under Biblical law a man’s “name” gets carried on despite his childlessness if he has a brother who marries the widow, the ancient sages saw the prevalence of men who engaged in the procedure more for the titillation than for preservation of their brothers’ names – and therefore instituted a ban on Yibbum in favor of the alternative “shoe removal” procedure called Halitzah, in which one brother formally declines to take the deceased’s widow, releasing her to marry anyone else. Shelani, whose brother Boaz so far has no children, urged everyone present to ignore the blazing attractiveness of Boaz’s wife Shir as he laid out his arguments.

“This has nothing to do with Shir’s looks,” he stated firmly. “Her flowing auburn hair; her sparkling green eyes; her dazzling smile that makes your heart stop; her dynamite figure; her choice in clothes that somehow, subtly, add to her perfect beauty without making it showy; her understated jewelry that draws attention to her hair, eyes, and full lips – none of these are relevant here.”

“Also please ignore, at least for the moment, her intelligence, humor, style,” he took another breath, his tone rising, “gracefulness, and visible capacity for affection. I’m talking about the principle of the thing, that’s all. I’m not attr- I mean this has nothing to do with anything I feel in my bod- this is- this is a question of the, of th- isn’t it time we revisited the Yibbum question after all these thousands of years? Like haven’t we progressed somewhat as a civilization, and can discuss that again?”

“And I don’t want to hear any more talk about trying to get rid of Boaz,” he added, sweat beading on his forehead. “I love my brother and his lovely- his love is mutual, I mean. Please let’s only talk about the principle of the thing.”

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