Man Still Arguing With Version Of God He Learned At Age 5

He has never, in the intervening years, wondered whether other, more sophisticated ideas exist that might have been too complex for preschoolers.

New York, December 30 – A once-religious inhabitant of this city’s upscale Rehavia neighborhood continues in his adulthood to formulate refutations of the preschool-level explanations and concepts he still thinks represent the true reasons for Jewish practices, teachings, and principles, never allowing himself to entertain the idea that the preschool mind might be unable to handle deeper, realer lessons than those a kindergartener can accept, and that, should he ever have attempted to explore the same material as an adult, he might find more satisfying treatment of it, but those more mature understandings would not, alas, afford him the self-righteous smugness that he currently enjoys around the subject.

Tomer Russo, 35, engages in mockery – primarily online, but on occasion in person as well – of what he calls “childish,” “simplistic,” “primitive,” and “outdated” notions in Jewish thought, notions that he encountered as a child and has never, in the intervening years, wondered whether other, more sophisticated, nuanced, profound, and relevant approaches exist that might have been withheld from preschool Tomer.

“These people cover the challah so it won’t be embarrassed by having kiddush recited over wine first,” he jeered, referring to one such common story told to children about the Sabbath and festival meals that begin with such bread on the table. Russo has not, according to observers, tried to ascertain whether explanations of the practice that are geared toward adult learners might differ from the imputation of emotions to baked grain products, or that explore the multiple layers of symbolism that might elude a five-year-old.

Russo similarly holds adherents of Jewish practice in low regard, viewing them as closed-minded and unwilling to entertain new ideas, an irony lost on a person who has never so much as cracked open a book to learn about the traditions of his people and what timeless wisdom they carry, all the while thinking that he, not they, represents intellectual honesty and openness.

“I don’t need a bearded sky-daddy to tell me right from wrong,” he has stated on multiple occasions, indicating his assumption that religious Jews do feel such a need, even as Jewish law strictly forbids assigning physical characteristics to their God, and that, in fact, Jewish sources assume morality to be self-evident, given that all of humanity is expected to adhere to seven basic rules of moral civilization.

At press time, Russo was leaving a snarky comment on a news article, sneering at “cloistered zealots who only want to make others feel bad about everything so they can feel superior.”

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