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Scholars: Choosing Correct Political Side Entitles You To Be Total Prick

By the same process, incidentally, pundits, apologists, and politicians have always justified violence against Jews as ‘legitimate resistance to occupation.’

A white supremacist in Charlottesville gets punched in the face. Credit : Evan Nesterak

A white supremacist in Charlottesville gets punched in the face. Credit : Evan Nesterak

Tel Aviv, October 26 – A groundbreaking new study has confirmed for the first time what many people have concluded through innate intuition: that being on the “right” side of a given political issue grants a person social permission to act like a complete ^%*(@.

Researchers at Tel Aviv University have will publish an article in the upcoming issue of the journal Science in which they lay out their premises, methodology, and conclusions, all of which, they reveal, points to carte blanche in behavioral terms once it has been established that a political partisan has selected the correct side.

“It’s unequivocal,” stated lead researcher Julie Anassange. “We found that in just over ninety-six percent of cases, being right removes restrictions on actions that would otherwise remain off limits. Those actions include shouting people down, blocking other people’s passage through areas both public and private, use of vulgar epithets, accusing others of heinous crimes, vandalism, incitement to violence, outright violence, and just behaving like an utter dickhead to everyone.”

“Our findings allowed us to put in hard numbers what so many have known for so long,” added team member Lynne de Sarsur. “For example, my gut and sense of identity had always told me it was legitimate to Jew-bait and bad-mouth other feminists, even question their status as feminists, because it’s all in the service of the Palestinian cause. By the same process, incidentally, pundits, apologists, and politicians have always justified violence against Jews as ‘legitimate resistance to occupation.’ Such an argument only holds water if being right entitles people to commit what we would otherwise condemn as mass murder. So the evidence was always there, but now we have the data to quantify it.”

If supported by further peer review, the study carries potential legal ramifications, predicts Harvard Professor of Law Lou Scannon. “Carried to its logical conclusion, this means being right is more important than being law-abiding,” he explained. “Unfortunately, that means the law and being right will often be in conflict. I foresee a good number of legislative attempts to iron out those potential areas of conflict over the next few years. At the very least, the debate sessions on the subject will prove… entertaining.”

Of more immediate importance, noted de Sarsur, is the research team’s now-proven entitlement to undermine academic, professional, and political rivals. “It’s all in the name of doing the right thing,” she noted. “I wouldn’t be asking people to boycott Israelis if I didn’t have this research to back me up in scientific terms.”

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