“Upset about their own government? I strongly suspect it’s a Zionist op.”
New York, March 4 – Veterans of the Columbia University demonstrations on behalf of Palestinians questioned today the authenticity of ongoing anti-regime rallies at institutions of higher learning inside the Islamic Republic, with particular suspicion attached to the absence at those rallies of the only true hallmark of genuine humanitarian concern, sloganeering calling for Free Palestine or accusing Israel of genocide.
Sources close to the former Columbia encampment organizers, speaking on condition of anonymity from a well-provisioned safe space on the Upper West Side, expressed grave doubts about the Tehran protests’ legitimacy. “If they’re not centering Gaza, how do we even know this is about oppression?” one veteran asked, adjusting a keffiyeh while sipping ethically sourced oat milk latte. “We’ve seen the videos—no ‘From the River to the Sea,’ no divestment demands, no chants about genocide. It’s like they’re protesting the wrong thing entirely. Or their heart just isn’t in it.”
Meanwhile, verified footage from Sharif University of Technology and Amirkabir University showed students in black mourning attire marching against Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, chanting “Death to the Dictator,” “Death to Khamenei,” “This is the last message; the target is the entire regime,” and “Long live the King,” while clashing with Basij paramilitary forces. Reports from diaspora outlets and geolocated videos confirmed similar scenes at Beheshti University and in Mashhad, where protesters honored victims of January’s crackdown with calls for regime overthrow and pro-monarchy sentiments. No references to Palestine, Gaza, or Israel appeared in any documented slogans or signage, adding to the confusion.
A Columbia alum, reached via encrypted Signal while occupying a campus lawn chair, dismissed the Iranian rallies as “performative at best.” “Real solidarity requires specificity,” they explained. “Without ‘Free Palestine’ placards or accusations of genocide against the Zionist entity, these students are basically just… upset about their own government? That’s not intersectional. I strongly suspect it’s a Zionist op.”
The statement concluded with a call for Iranian protesters to adopt certified chants and merchandise before any further international recognition could be extended. The alum added helpfully that Iranian protesters could easily remedy the authenticity gap: “Hey, there are already nonstop military cargo transport aircraft headed to the region—dozens of C-17s and tankers flying in weapons and supplies every day. Just piggyback on those flights! Load up some certified ‘From the River to the Sea’ merch, keffiyeh bundles, and genocide-accusation banners at a layover base, and boom—your uprising gets the international cred it desperately needs. Problem solved.”
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