PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Every citizen must undergo at least one official face-licking by the 15th of April, eight days before the Islamic holy month of Ramadan. Tehran, March 3 – Islamic Republic authorities embarked on a new public safety and public order measure ...

“The only way… is to get all up in the business of as many voters as possible, not to allow them the one thing that protects what remains of their sanity.” Jerusalem, March 2 – Representatives from all the parties ...

“I only woke up like four times, not including my usual 3 AM bathroom run.” Ramat Gan, February 27 – A resident who shared his numerous ideas with his wife about getting a jump on preparations for a Jewish festival ...

“Handlers select specific terrorists they assess will respond positively to an invitation, and engage them in the ‘persona’ of the sheep or goat.” Tel Aviv, February 27 – Israel’s intelligence agency augmented its achievements this week in the ongoing confrontation ...

by Esjayda Bilyoo, pro-Palestinian activist Berkeley, February 26 – It comes down to this: you’re either with us or or you’re against us. You don’t get to ignore the need to protect Palestinian rights; the only question with any relevance ...

“Accepting anything other than total triumph, total humiliation of the disease before you drive it into the sea, would constitute betrayal.” Ramallah, February 25 – Leaders of the Palestinian national liberation movement repeated their offer offer of assistance this week ...

“The best Jews are vulnerable Jews, 100% dependent on the goodwill of others’ for their safety!” proclaims a Facebook post with hundreds of Likes and Shares by Islamists and White Supremacist users. New York, February 24 – A progressive group targeting Jewish ...

“Alternatively, making the tower itself a mosque will solve the comparative height problem.” Babylon, Land of Shin’ar, February 20 – Islamic authorities cautioned today against the completion of a planned project to construct a tower that reaches the heavens, reminding ...

“Hope I disposed of it properly; wouldn’t want it falling into the wrong hands.” Jerusalem, February 20 – Israel’s leading prophet during the latter First Temple period disclosed today his concerns that law enforcement authorities many centuries from now might ...

“No one checks because ‘Israel Bad’ drowns out all other considerations.” Jerusalem, February 19 – Failure of a restaurant customer’s attempt to con the establishment into a free meal has led him to acknowledge he underestimated the effort necessary to ...