Condom Manufacturers Lament Declining Birthright Participation

Jerusalem, May 18 – The makers of latex prophylactics are warily eyeing the downward trend of Birthright Israel registration, as the thinning ranks of those Jewish young adults who have never been on an organized tour of Israel are reflected in fewer opportunities for Israeli soldiers to seduce participants, resulting in lower condom sales.

Since 1999 approximately 65,000 Israelis have participated in programs that bring them into prolonged contact with the tourists, who now total 360,000, a ratio that works in favor of the natives seeking to hook up with Birthrighters. The cachet of the military has contributed to countless intimate liaisons between the groups, but external factors in recent years have led to fewer opportunities for such trysts. Consequently, says trade group representative Onan Nissim, thousands of condom sales per year are in jeopardy.

“It used to be that an Israeli soldier who spent time with birthright students was all but guaranteed to get laid,” said Nissim. “But Birthright has been struggling to keep its rosters full, and there’s no other source for such large numbers of easy conquests.” He explained that the more relaxed program admission standards of the last few years, aimed at maintaining high levels of participation, have meant a larger contingent of participants with less of an existing predisposition to be feel connected to, or impressed by, a serving IDF soldier.

Birthright administrators refused to comment, offering only that their goal has nothing to do with providing Israeli soldiers with the chance to sow their oats, and everything to do with fostering a lasting connection between Israel and Diaspora Jewry. The connections that have been fostered, however, may be in decline if those Diaspora communities cannot furnish young, available partners.

Condom manufacturers are not the only group worried about the trend. IDF recruits, who heard throughout their youth about the wonders and relative ease of bedding naive young Americans, now face a relative paucity of specimens, and the serious prospect of actually having to compete for sexual partners. “I might as well not join the army if this is what happens,” said Ashkelon native Ben Zona, 17, who is scheduled to be drafted in September.

Palestinian leaders expressed outrage, noting that there are plenty of them available.