In Retrospect, Fish-Microwaving Contest Not Best Idea For Passing Time In Bomb Shelter

“I thought we did a good job.”

Kiryat Ata, June 23 – Members of the House Committee of a four-story building in this suburban-Haifa building conceded today that they might have made a mistake in developing games to occupy residents during extended stays in the reinforced basement during Iranian missile attacks, in particular a game that had participants vie for the best seafood dishes reheated in the cramped space’s microwave oven.

Iddo Fein, Sarit Danino, and Renana Bakshi, the committee who came up with the entertainment program, acknowledged in interviews Monday that the fish-microwaving contest might have been a bad idea.

“Sure, in retrospect, it seems obvious,” observed Fein, who lives with his family of 5 in Apartment 8. “A lot of things seem obvious in retrospect. Iran being a paper tiger seems obvious in retrospect, as repressive regimes tend to be, because they focus most of their energies on domestic repression instead of prowess in anything else. So of course their defenses crumbled in a matter of days. But that’s only clear with the benefit of hindsight. We didn’t have that going in. I thought we did a good job.”

Several shelter occupants stormed outside before Home Front Command issued an all-clear, just to escape the overpowering smell, the participants later reported. “Oh my God,” recalled Nirit Shoshani of Apartment 10. “Oh my God. I couldn’t take it a second longer. That was a week ago, and the the shelter still smells of salmon. It would almost have been a relief to die from missile debris than have to inhale one more molecule of that stench.”

“If there’s ever an inquiry into crimes against humanity during this war,” insisted Alon Shefer of Apartment 2, “yes, certainly it has to cover the Iranian missile barrages against civilian targets, but our House Committee better be in the docket at the Supreme Court, and if not there, then at The Hague. I’d push for them to be under arrest now, but who knows what horrors they might unleash on the poor souls at the police station? Our security forces have faced enough challenges of late, thank you very much.”

“It was meant to be in good fun,” argued Bakshi, who still refuses to admit the fiasco constitutes anything more than a quirky derailment of an otherwise solid plan for the thirty residents of 29 Bialik Street. “No one has thanked us for our efforts. This is now the main reason I don’t want there to be another war.”

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