Obama Drone Victims Relieved To Be Killed By Liberal Administration

“My gory, agonizing demise is a small price to pay for the utopia he brought about.”

Mogadishu, Somalia, December 10 – Departed souls whose bond with their corporeal selves met a premature end in UAV-fired missile attacks before 2017 expressed a measure of solace today that their violent demise occurred as a result of President Barack Obama’s authorization and not, Heaven help us, that of Donald Trump.

Victims of collateral damage from drone strikes across the Middle East and Africa confessed in interviews that they can accept their bloody deaths because those deaths came about through the decisions of a Democrat occupying the White House, but they pity those whose lives end under identical circumstances save the identity of the American commander-in-chief of armed forces.

“We’re the fortunate ones,” observed Yhiya, whose wedding in southern Yemen in 2010 ended in tragedy as an American drone fired a missile that killed him, his bride, his parents, his bride’s brother, seventeen guests, and wounded a dozen more. “When Barack Obama was in office, you knew that things were going right, and that all of his decisions represented the most noble aspirations for mankind. It’s no big deal to meet one’s maker at the hand of such a saint. I don’t know how all the drone strike victims since Trump assumed the presidency even deal with it.”

Omar, who burned to death in a vehicle that a drone blew up in 2013 in Afghanistan, voiced similar sentiments. “I welcome my death,” he breezed. “Obama can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. The man was the embodiment of everything a world leader should be: erudite, wise, principled, moral, you name it. The Nobel Peace Prize he earned even before doing a thing as president basically says it all. My gory, agonizing demise is a small price to pay for the utopia he brought about.”

Other dead Muslims who shuffled off this mortal coil as a consequence of President Obama’s drone strike authorizations offered encouragement for those unfortunate enough to meet the same fate under a different, less admirable, chief executive of the US. “We can’t all enjoy the privilege of having one’s painful, fiery death occur because the American Messiah signed off on it,” acknowledged Somali farmer Abshir Hussein, who was in the wrong place at the wrong time in 2012 when a drone struck a convoy of Al-Shabab militants near his field. “To those with the bad luck of getting killed by drones under Trump instead of Obama, don’t worry: you’re just as dead as we are.”

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