Scientists Awed By Gaza Casualty Counts That Shrink When It Turns Out Blast Not An IDF Strike

“There’s something going on here that we normally associate only with the quantum realm of physics.”

Gaza City, October 18 – Researched expressed wonderment today at a phenomenon for which they so far have no tenable explanation: that certain elements of physical reality undergo abrupt and absolute change depending on what, in retrospect caused them – specifically, how the number of people dead and injured in explosions in the Gaza Strip suddenly becomes smaller by an order of magnitude when, it emerges, the explosions resulted not from Israeli bombing activity, but from misfired Palestinian rockets.

Scientists observing coverage of the conflict – which flared up when Hamas invaded southern Israel on October 7 and killed, raped, tortured, mutilated, injured, and abducted – described a case in which an explosion occurred last night at a hospital in the Gaza Strip; almost immediately, Palestinian sources began reporting that the explosion came from an IDF strike and that five hundred had died – itself a remarkable feat of reporting, given that even now, Israel has yet to arrive at a final tally of the dead from October 7, but which scientist marked for further study. However, subsequent analysis and reporting demonstrated that Palestinian Islamic Jihad – an ally of Hamas – had fired rockets toward Israel, one of which exploded shortly after launch and a piece of it hit the hospital grounds. The number of reported dead suddenly decreased to the dozens, if that, given than the impact took place in a parking lot adjacent the hospital and not any hospital building.

“There’s something going on here that we normally associate only with the quantum realm of physics,” explained Nobel-Prize-winning particle physicist Peter Higgs. “In the subatomic quantum field, we have found ample evidence that the observation of a phenomenon affects the outcome of a phenomenon. But that has not, until now, held true in the everyday realm of Newtonian physics. If these data hold, they will change our entire understanding of the universe on the macro and micro levels. It upends one of the chief distinctions between the Newtonian and Einsteinian descriptions of reality. At present we have no way to account for it. I’m excited to see where this takes the field of physics.”

Higgs voiced initial concern that opportunities to explore the phenomenon might prove rare, but then realized that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has always provided instances in which this and similar phenomena occur. “We shouldn’t be all that worried about the availability of date,” he surmised. “This seems to happen with encouraging frequency.”

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