A steady supply of currency for the ATMs was made possible late last week when the Obama administration allowed Iran access to the US dollar. Washington, October 9 – Following months of awkwardness over the propriety and necessity of shipping pallets ...
Read More »Author Archives: Swidler
Feed SubscriptionIf You Don’t Stop Bombing Aleppo, I’ll Threaten To Make Threats!
By John Kerry, US Secretary of State President Putin, the time has come for a fateful decision. Either you want to pursue a resolution of the Syrian conflict by diplomatic means, or you do not. But whichever choice you make, ...
Read More »Zionist Union Still Looking For Way To Show Hurricane Matthew Bibi’s Fault
“If Herzog and Livni are serious about standing a chance in the next election, they had better agree exactly which loony anti-Bibi conspiracy theory to promote.” Tel Aviv, October 7 – Leaders of the opposition Zionist Union faction in the ...
Read More »Single Man Bewildered By Lack Of Yom Kippur Lunch Invitations
“I hope this isn’t personal.” Jerusalem, October 6 – A local resident who customarily accepts the hospitality of various families in the neighborhood for Sabbath and festival meals voiced confusion today over the disappearance of such willing hosts for the ...
Read More »Children Banned From Holy Temple After Walls Covered In Boogers
The announcement has thrown many pilgrims’ plans into disarray. Jerusalem, October 6 – This year’s observance of the Day of Atonement at the Holy Temple will take place without children under the age of 14, the Temple Administration has announced, ...
Read More »IDF To Cut Food Expenses By Cooking Palestinian Children
If adopted throughout the IDF, the program is expected to save up to 1.5 billion shekels annually. Tel Nof Air Base, October 5 – Efforts to bring defense spending under control have sparked an initiative across all branches of the ...
Read More »Mossad Engineering Disasters So Israeli Relief Efforts Can Look Good
Ali Abunimah has been documenting cases of what he has come to call “aid-washing.” Haiti, October 5 – Hurricane Matthew swept through this impoverished nation yesterday, leaving behind devastation and yet another humanitarian crisis – a breach into which a ...
Read More »Study Fails To Find Anyone Who Actually Likes Honey Cake
“Some people just won’t depart from tradition no matter how mediocre – or just plain awful, in the case of my mother-in-law – the traditional dishes might taste.” Tel Aviv, October 2 – A comprehensive research project covering one of ...
Read More »Israel To Pump Dangerous Gas Into Jordan For 15 Years
“It is beyond heinous for a nation founded in the wake of Nazi genocide to be pumping gas in any direction,” declared Human Rights Watch Director Ken Roth. Amman, September 28 – Human rights organizations and diplomatic officials expressed shock ...
Read More »I’m Pretty Sure My Vision Didn’t Involve Funeral Traffic Snarls
By Shimon Peres Oh look, I’m dead now. That’s a relief. Yes, it’s sad and disappointing, but the time comes for everyone, and I’ve had more time than most. Media attention has already turned to pretentious discussion of my legacy ...
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