Ben & Jerry’s Israel Nixes ‘Palestinian Organ Harvest’ Flavor

The manufacturer has been unable to secure Palestinian organs or tissues that could be considered FairTrade.

B’er Tuvia Industrial Zone, November 6 – The importers and manufacturers of Ben and Jerry’s premium ice cream in Israel put the kibosh on a new flavor touting pieces of body parts harvested from dead Palestinian terrorists, after determining they are unable to meet Ben and Jerry’s standards for locally sourced, fair-trade ingredients.

American Quality Products, which has a license from Ben and Jerry’s to produce certain varieties of ice cream, and imports others from the US, decided yesterday (Thursday) to cancel its plans to produce Palestinian Organ Harvest. In a statement to line workers and managers who had been preparing the factory to produce the new flavor, AQP administration explained that the company had no problem meeting the B&J requirement that ingredients be locally sourced if possible, but had been unable to secure Palestinian organs or tissues that could be considered Fair Trade.

“The bulk of the new variety consists of ingredients we already source with no difficulty,” said the statement. “Unfortunately, there appears to be no way currently of obtaining corneas, kidneys, skin tissue, livers, lungs, hearts, or segments of the gastrointestinal tract from Palestinians under terms that qualify as ‘free trade.’ As we all know, and in what we consider a point of pride, Ben and Jerry’s ice creams use only fair trade ingredients. It is therefore with regret and a sense of lost opportunity that we are forced to postpone the launch of Palestinian Organ Harvest indefinitely.”

With the new flavor, AQP had hoped to tap the emerging market for vengeful mistreatment of Palestinians that Haaretz keeps describing as pervasive in Israel. Focus groups initially failed to confirm that assertion, but the liberal ethos of the company drove the marketing division to orchestrate feedback that fit their preconceptions, and a product was born. Management had hoped to roll out the first batch of Palestinian Organ Harvest by mid-November, and to offer small quantities of it to retail establishments in Jerusalem, Hebron, and wherever else the three most recent stabbing attacks would take place.

The future of the flavor remains unclear. “We really wanted to bring this product to the Israeli consumer, whom the mainstream media is convinced represents the perfect target market: exploitative, comparatively well-off, racist, and borderline cannibalistic,” said AQP executive Diaa Hadid, who also writes for the New York Times. “We will have to find some other ecologically sustainable way to tap that market, which we know is out there because a whole narrative depends on it.”

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